Page 75 of Must Have Been Love

Autumn’s face crumples in sympathy. “Jesse should be the one to tell you.”

Except he’s been lying too. He’s the worst liar of them all. Oh my god, I think I’m going to be sick for real. I put my hand over my mouth and rush past Autumn and Eileen, who looks remarkably sober compared to a moment ago. I need to throw up.

I need to notbe here.

“Honey, please…” Autumn calls out. “Let me explain.”

I shake my head, running to the private door, entering the code. As soon as the lock clicks I thrust down on the handle. I can feel Autumn right behind me. I turn to look at her and tears are streaming down her face.

“I want to be alone,” I tell her.

“No.” She shakes her head, mascara running down her cheeks. “You don’t.”

There’s a lump in my throat so big I’m finding it hard to breathe. “I wish everybody would stop deciding my life for me,” I say. “Please leave me alone.” I step inside my apartment and slam the door, blocking out the noise from the bar beyond. It’s only then, when I’m in almost exactly the same position I was earlier when Hudson made me see stars that I allow the tears to fall.

Pain overwhelms me as I slide to the floor, sobs wracking my body.

* * *

I cry until I feel completely wrung out and empty, sitting on the floor, my face covered by my hands.

I still don’t understand it. I have a brother I never knew about. My dad had a son and didn’t tell me.

Nobody told me.

I need to talk to Lee and my mom, but I have no idea how to ask them if they knew. I’m ninety-nine percent sure that they don’t know either. If they did, if they lied to me too, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Maybe that’s why I’m afraid to call them. Not knowing is sometimes better than knowing the truth.

The music stopped playing almost as soon as I disappeared from the bar. I think most people have left – I heard the regular thud of car doors and engines rumbling as people drove away.

They must all think I’m terrible, not saying goodbye. Disappearing from my own opening party. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I should disappear altogether.

Suddenly the town that seemed so welcoming has turned into a darker place. One full of secrets.

And I hate it.

Every now and then there’s a tap at the door that I ignore. I know Autumn is a kind person but I can’t deal with her right now.

It’s another ten minutes before I hear a louder knock.

“Skyler. Open the door,” Hudson says.

I ignore him, because he’s a liar too.

“For fuck’s sake,” I hear him mutter. The next minute the door opens and he walks inside.

“How did you get in?” I ask him, aware of how much of a mess I must look. On the plus side, it’ll probably put him off wanting bed sex with me for good.

“I watched you punch in the code a couple of hours ago,” he says. “It’s nothing sinister.”

The man has a photographic memory to go with the money and power. Of course he does.

“I don’t want you here,” I tell him thickly. I manage to push myself up from my sobbing position against the wall, but my legs feel unsteady.

He stands in the center of the living room, clenching and unclenching his hands. “I understand that,” he says. “But there’s no way I’m leaving you alone.”

I sit down heavily on the sofa, as he stands there, looking at me with the kind of emotion I wasn’t sure he was capable of having. “I just came back from talking to Jesse,” he says. “I told him about Eileen blurting everything out. He’s devastated. He wants to talk to you, but I suggested he give you some space to get used to the idea.”

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