Page 117 of Must Have Been Love

She tips her head, the moon above us casting a long shadow on her face. “What would be worse?” she asks, crinkling her nose.

“Him wanting us to get back together for the baby.”

“You wouldn’t want that?” Lee asks, like she’s trying to understand me.

“No.” I shake my head. “I wouldn’t want that at all. I don’t want his pity. I don’t want this baby to have to carry that kind of burden. I feel like I’ve messed their life up before it’s even started.”

“You’re keeping it then?” Lee asks, her voice soft.

I blink. “I hadn’t realized it until this moment, but yes. I am.”

She grabs my hand, her face lighting up. “Oh, Sky, you’re gonna be the best mother.”

“Are you kidding me?” I ask her. “The poor kid has the dice loaded against them from the start. I can barely take care of myself let alone a baby. And let’s not even get into what happened the last time I was in charge of a child.”

Lee shoots me a stern look. “That wasn’t your fault. I thought we agreed on this. And you’re not incapable or whatever term you’re telling yourself you are. You own a business. You’re a businesswoman. You have friends who love you, and don’t tell me you don’t because your phone has been ringing all evening with people checking in.

“That was Jesse and Autumn,” I say.

“And Eileen. And Francie, whoever she is.”

“Autumn’s friend.”

“There you go,” Lee says, throwing her hands up like her point is made. “Even your friends friends love you. You’ve got this. You’re ready. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“I’m not strong,” I say.

“Yes you are. You know the strongest tree in the field? It’s not the big one that doesn’t move. One hurricane and that baby would be toppling over in a minute. It’s the flexible one, the one that bends with the breeze, the one that goes with whatever flow there is. That’s you. Your kid is so, so lucky to have you.”

Tears fill my eyes, because it’s so good to see her. I’ve missed her. Maybe I’ve missed her all my life.

“Oh God, I’m going to have a baby,” I whisper, and she laughs.

“Yes you are. And you’re going to be amazing at it.”

* * *

HUDSON

Two days pass before I finally leave Ayda with Autumn for the morning. I have no choice, I have to go to the mainland, but it still kills me to climb into my car knowing she’s with Autumn in the Captain’s House.

Autumn is still not speaking to me, even though she agreed to take care of Ayda, through Parker. I tried calling her for the past few days but I’ve been sent straight to voicemail each time.

I’ll beg for her forgiveness soon. Make peace with her. But today I need to meet with the security company who’s agreed to monitor the ferry.

I arrive at the jetty with less than a few minutes to spare. Cars are already being loaded on, and there’s a procession, mostly of locals who head to the mainland each day for work. There’s less of them than there used to be. Wherever possible I try to employ local people at the hotel and as casual laborers for the construction company working on the new retreat. But there’s enough to make a steady stream onto the boat.

As soon as he sees my car, Jesse scowls. So he’s annoyed with me too.

Join the line, pal.

Once parked on the ferry, I get out of the car, listening to a couple of old timers talking about the weather.

“Rain is coming,” the man nearest me says. “I can feel it in my knee.”

“Jesse,” I call out.

He looks at me. “I’m busy.” He turns to walk away and I follow him. I know he senses me behind him, because he finally turns and huffs. “What the hell do you want?” he asks.

---