Page 114 of Must Have Been Love

“There. Finally a response.” She tips her head to the side. “Not a great one, but still…”

“Where’s Skyler going?” I ask, frowning.

“Like you care,” she says, sitting down at the breakfast bar. “You’re such an idiot.”

“I think you already said that.”

“She’s leaving,” Autumn says again, like she’s a voice recording on repeat. “How can you stand there when I’ve told you that?”

“What do you want me to do? A little dance?” I try to ignore the panic in my stomach and lift the cup of black coffee to my lips. My third of the day and it’s still not touching the surface of my exhaustion.

“No, I want you to chase after her. I can’t believe you’re being so laid back about this.”

My feigned indifference is working. “If she wants to leave, she’s free to do so,” I say, ignoring the twist in my gut.

“What did you say to her last night?” Autumn asks. “After I left.”

“I think that’s between me and her,” I say, taking another mouthful of bitter liquid.

“Aargh!” She shakes her head. “Tell me, or I’m gonna…” She looks around for something to annoy me with. Then she jumps off the stool and stomps over to wrench open a cupboard door. “Mess around with your cans until they’re not organized by date order.”

“I’m quaking.”

“I’ll do it, don’t think I won’t,” she says. Then she reaches in and moves the cans inside all around, like a kid playing that cup and ball game, trying to hide which cup has the ball inside. “There,” she says.

“Feel better?” I ask her mildly.

“No. Now what did you say to her? Either you tell me or I’ll ask her.”

“I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“Hudson…” She steps toward me. “I will wring your neck if you don’t tell me.”

I sigh. I’m going to capitulate, not because she can hurt me, but because she’s annoying as fuck.

“I ended things,” I say. “We’re not right for each other. She said it all along and it just took me until now to realize it.”

Autumn’s mouth drops open.

“She agreed and left. That’s it.”

“That’s so not it,” Autumn says, her voice low. “She was upset all day. You saw her. She was so scared about Ayda and she was only looking after her to help me out. I can’t believe you’re blaming her for this.”

“Who else do you expect me to blame?” I ask, my voice sharper than intended. “She was in charge of my daughter and she let her be taken. That’s not somebody I need in my life.”

“Does that mean you don’t need me in your life?” Autumn asks. She blinks, looking suddenly upset.

And I hate that so much more than when she’s annoying.

“Of course I want you in my life. You’re my sister.” It’s been my life’s fucking work to make sure all of my family is safe. Autumn included.

“But I lost Ayda too,” she says. “Even worse, I let her wander off. She wasn’t snatched from under my nose. She walked away and I didn’t even notice. And it wasSkylerwho took care of her. So if you’re choosing who should be part of your world on the basis of whether you can trust them to look after Ayda, then I guess I shouldn’t be here.”

Her eyes water up and I reach for her, but she steps away. “No,” she says. “You don’t get to have double standards and expect me to be your friend. You don’t get to take things out on Skyler when she has nothing to do with the Clarkes and the custody battle. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

She grabs her keys from her pocket. “You messed up,” she says, her voice a broken sob. “And you can’t even see it. Even worse, by the time you work it out it’ll be way too late. She’s already on the ferry. She’ll be far away from the island and to god knows where.” She turns on her heel. “I don’t like you right now, Hudson. You hurt my friend.” Before she storms out, she takes one last glance at me over her shoulder. “You just lost the best thing that’s ever happened to you and you don’t even know it.”

thirty-three

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