Page 113 of Must Have Been Love

“This is my fault,” he says, taking me completely by surprise. Because if anybody isn’t culpable for this whole mess it’s him. He was nowhere near Liberty when it happened.

“No it isn’t.” I frown, reaching for him. But he steps back again, like he doesn’t want me to touch him. “It’s all my fault. I don’t know what to say. I got distracted for a second and then…” I take a breath. “I am so, so sorry, Hudson. I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you and her.”

“You told me who you were,” he says, as though he can’t hear me. “You told me and I didn’t listen. You said you weren’t reliable. That you didn’t like commitment. You made it oh so fucking clear. But I thought I could change you.” His gaze flickers to mine. “I never should have tried.”

There’s an ache in my chest where my heart used to be. “What are you trying to say?” I ask. “I’m trying, I really am. I want to be better. I want you to trust me.”

“But I can’t.” He shakes his head. “Don’t you see, I can’t? She’s my daughter, Skyler. My first loyalty always has to be with her.”

“I know that.” My voice breaks. “And it should be.”

“I can’t trust you. I can’t leave her with you. What kind of relationship would that be?” he asks.

“I messed up once. I won’t do it again. It was a one-time situation. Something happened and I got distracted for a second.”

“What happened?” he asks. “What was so important that you took your eyes off my kid?”

I open my mouth to reply, but I can’t. I can’t tell him about the blood test. Not now. I can barely come to terms with it myself, so I can’t have him thinking I’m using it as an excuse.

“It doesn’t matter,” I finally say. “None of it matters. You’re right, all of it. I’m not the person you need me to be.” A ragged breath escapes my lips. “I should go.”

He looks at me. It’s clear he’s in pain too. I want him to beg me to stay. I want him to tell me he understands.

But instead he nods. “It’s for the best.”

And that’s how my heart shatters, to the soundtrack of the man I love telling me that walking away is for the best.

But I do it anyway. Wondering how the hell I’m going to survive this.

* * *

HUDSON

“What did you do?” Autumn asks, pushing her way past me into the house. It’s the next morning. The weather is overcast, the dark gray skies matching my mood. I’ve spent the last hour on the phone with my lawyer, who’s arranging for a protective order to be placed against Ayda’s grandparents.

Ayda is currently laying on the sofa, watching some cartoon, laughing silently like yesterday didn’t even happen. Dr. Methi said she’d be like this.

“Kids don’t always understand adult relationships,” he’d murmured when he walked into the hospital room. “She knows you love her and she knows her grandparents love her. Unless you start ranting in front of her about it, she’ll just file it away as a nice day out.”

I’m still skeptical, but somehow hanging onto that.

“What do you mean ‘what did I do’?” I ask her. “Are you needing me to go through my to-do-list? Because it mostly involves talking to lawyers and organizing restraining orders, with a little dash of planning fantasy murders rolled in.”

“I mean what have you done to Skyler?” Autumn says, her eyes full of fire.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I murmur, closing the front door behind her, since she clearly isn’t going to do it herself. And I’m desperately trying not to think about Skyler, or how every five minutes I pull up her name on my phone and think about calling her. “How’s Parker?”

She lets out a loud huff, reminding me of how she used to throw tantrums as a kid. Asher and I would place bets for how long she’d keep them going. I always chose the longest time and I always won.

“I’m not here to talk about Parker,” she says, jabbing me in the chest with her finger. “I’m here to talk about you and what an ass you’re being.”

“You’re going to need to be more specific.” I glance into the living room. Ayda is sleepy, I can tell that from the way she looks hypnotized by the television. I feel a momentary pang for using the screen as a babysitter, but right now it’s the only one I trust.

Autumn follows me into the kitchen. I walk over to the coffee machine and slide a pod in. “Want one?”

“No, I don’t.” She throws her hands up in the air. “Skyler’s leaving the island.”

“What?” I turn around, frowning. My heart starts racing.

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