Page 91 of First Puck

Just something so I could let go of this pit of blackness which lived inside me before I even realized how I felt.

“Alex,” Brad said faintly from behind me as I dragged him up the stairs to his room. “Hey, Alex.” He sounded like he was getting his voice back, at least. But he still looked like he was going to collapse from the weight of the bags under his eyes.

“Alex!” Brad shouted, grabbing my other wrist and spinning me around. “Look at me!”

Shock was etched on my face, but it was his anger and frustrated expression which annoyed me more.

But his chest was already heaving, and I swear he was shaking through my hand.

“Are you actually going to talk to me, then?” he said, the bite in his tone making me pause.

We stood at the top of the landing in front of my bedroom door. Everyone else had gone out, so we could argue like we’d never done before.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one who’s avoiding me,” I said, releasing his hand as I evaded his glare, but he grabbed me in return.

The look of pain that crossed his face surprised me.

“Yeah, right. Don’t lie to me. You’ve basically shut down on me ever since you fucked off when I got fucking drafted.”

“Are you sure? Because it feels like we’re both lying here.”

“You’re the one who abandoned me, so I don’t know why you’re the one who’s pissed,” he shot back. It looked like he was barely controlling his anger. Which looked so unnatural on him, I wanted to kiss him just to wipe it away.

“Are you joking, Brad? Do you really not know what’s going on?” I was starting to shake.

“Because it’s Lance, isn’t it?” he shouted. “It’s always about Lance. Even after we—”

He bit back his words, but it was obvious what he was going to say.

My brow furrowed as I pinched the bridge of my nose. I didn’t know how to avoid telling him about Lance’s mom without him getting the wrong idea.

“I told you before, Lance is in love with someone else. But he needed me, Brad.” I dipped my head. Lance didn’t want a single soul apart from me and Porter to know, but it was too difficult arguing with Brad like this. “Lance’s mom is dying and she nearly went. It was just really bad timing.”

His eyes widened, and he sucked in a breath, but it didn’t stop him. “How can you guys not be dating when you fucking left me for him at the most important moment of our whole fucking lives?”

I winced as he made his point. Even if he was ignoring the part about Lance’s mom, he was still completely right. I screwed up so badly, but we both had.

“I know, Brad. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But do you not think I’d do that without a good reason?”

“Dude, you sucked my cock so hard your voice was hoarse for a day. You seriously can’t tell me that didn’t mean anything.”

Heat flooded my cheeks, and I hated the small, satisfied smile he gave me. It just made me want him even more.

He stepped in close, rubbing his thumb over the soft part of my wrist.

I couldn’t stand him looking at me so tenderly. Kindness could easily slip into pity.

“I know what you’re like, Alex,” Brad murmured. It was the voice he used when he picked up girls, the one I’d fallen for so easily. “You can’t just pretend we didn’t fuck around and hope stuff will go back to normal.”

“Brad, you were the one who wanted it to go back to normal. Or you wanted to be fuck buddies. Which one was it again?”

I didn’t know how I thought I was going to get away with it when no one knew me better than him. It only worked if he pretended as well.

I licked my lips, obsessed with the way he followed the path of my tongue. My heart jumped up into my throat, beats banging in my ears.

“Don’t you want it to go back to normal?” he asked quietly. “We can just keep being friends. We don’t have to make it any more complicated.”

I paused to stem my rush of anger. I couldn’t blame him for not knowing how much it had affected me. But it was my fault for never telling him how much he fucked me up.

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