Page 19 of First Puck

“Brad…” It was getting more and more painful to push it, but I knew what I was like—if I didn’t do it at a moment like this, I wouldn’t say anything at all.

“Hey, dude,” he said shortly, his body tense, his hands tight on the controller. “Don’t ruin it by being a freak, okay? It was just a little dick sucking.”

That sliced even deeper. He was the one who hit on me, so why was I the freak?

He completely turned away from me and refused to even look at me.

“But Brad, I really need to—”

“Nah, just leave it, alright? We’re friends; it’s what we do. We help each other out and stuff. It’s not gay, I’m not like that.”

My eyes stung as I held myself back. I’d never planned for any of this. I didn’t know he was going to go down on me. So why was he being so cold?

I always thought it took a lot to annoy Brad, and I hated how I was the one who put that expression on his face.

His chest puffed and he blew out a heavy breath, setting my nerves into overdrive. I didn’t get why he was shutting me out when I just needed to talk about what we’d done.

He clicked his teeth before he shot to his feet, throwing his controller behind him. I watched numbly as it bounced off the dull orange cushion.

“Actually, I’ll head out now. I want to get an early night before practice tomorrow.”

“But…” He was meant to stay over, and we’d go to practice in the morning, and spend the whole weekend together.

All my chances of talking to him about what was going on with me flew out of the window.

Any pleasure that still zipped through my veins fizzled out as my disappointment burned through me.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He gave me a quick nod, not even meeting my eyes as he yanked his jacket from the back of the couch.

He blanked me again as he spun on one foot and made for the door. It closed with a hollowthump, and I sat there in the silence of the garage.

He told me not to be a freak about it, but what was that? Even when we argued, he wouldn’t outright avoid me.

I couldn’t tell him anything; he didn’t even give me a chance. If I just told him how good it was instead of trying to make it something deeper, would he have listened to me? Or if I offered to suck his dick, maybe he wouldn’t have left. Or should I have waited for another day?

I knew confessing was going to hurt in some way. But I’d never predicted he would suck me off and then reject me. It made it even worse.

The strange mix of anger and sadness swirled inside me as I searched for the answer of what I was going to do. Because Ihated him for doing that to me, but I still didn’t want either of us to leave like this.

Telling him I was gay and seeing his reaction was supposed to help me decide how soon I left town.

I sat there for hours, staring at the poster in a daze, endless streams of thoughts keeping me stuck to the couch.

We were meant to go and play for the Wranglers together. We were supposed to spend our careers together. And I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t with him.

I didn’t want to lose him. I knew it was crazy, and that none of it was my fault, but I couldn’t leave when the last memory I had of him was of how he ran away from me.

That was the night I decided for sure I would keep it a secret. Even if it burned me out, I’d never tell Brad the truth so he’d stay with me, and so he’d always be my friend.

But I didn’t know how I could look at him again when he’d shredded my heart and thrown it to the floor.

Part Two

College: First Year

Alex

“Come on, just do one shot with us!” Brad laughed, his hand slipping into mine as he led me toward the pool table. “It’ll be our first ever shot in this house!”

---