Page 110 of First Puck

Rubbing my hand over my mouth, I turned to my side, pressing my face into the pillow and inhaling deeply.

I could tell myself I was just being sensitive, that I was letting myself spiral.

But I was an idiot, so I wasn’t going to stop.

I swallowed down the tears welling at the corners of my eyes so I didn’t feel any more pathetic. Because, really, what was I expecting?

Everything we’d said to each other last night? All the hopes and dreams I thought had finally come true? It was just the same as before. When he sucked me off, when he kissed me, when we basically fucked at the hotel. It was all the same. Just another opportunity for me to be trampled on without him even realizing it.

It was a Saturday. There was nothing to stop us from being together. I had it in my head that we were going to spend the weekend together, exploring this, finding out what we actually wanted to be to each other.

But he left the first chance he had. Even if he was going out for a jog or running to see friends, he could have at least woken me up, or left a note, or done something to let me know why he had left me.

It was why I had been so hesitant to tell him my feelings. Because he always put himself first, no matter who he was with. And it’s why I sometimes thought I had a chance, because of when I felt more important than anything else in his life.

There was no point trying. If this was how our relationship was going to be from the start, then all my predictions had been right. I wanted him so badly I was willing to ignore those parts of him, because I loved him, because I needed his words last night to be true.

There was nothing I could do to change him. That wasn’t my job. I couldn’t force him to change, but I wanted him to try.

There was only a week left of school, then we’d take a few weeks at home before we’d began training with the Wranglers. Maybe it would all be okay by then.

But it felt like Brad kept dragging me up a hill, taking me so close to the peak, only to throw me back down again. I couldn’t keep going back and forth like this. I just wanted him to say yes.

I could at least sleep some more and shake off the pain that was threatening to take me over. Just because Brad thought I was a grumpy bastard didn’t make it true. I used to be realistic, tempering my expectations, so I didn’t fall into situations like this. And I’d let go and ended up with a broken heart, just like always.

***

“Alex?” Brad’s voice echoed from far away. I was probably just having another dream where we were together and actually happy.

“Alex?” he said again, his voice clearer, like it was breaking through a fog.

“Hey!” His voice rung through my ears. “Dude! Wake up. I made you breakfast.”

My eyes opened slowly to the sight of Brad standing over me, holding a gray plastic tray and grinning sheepishly.

But I didn’t believe his smile. Because I knew what Brad was like. I’d caught him sneaking home early in the morning so many times after he’d fucked someone, giving me the exact same look. Because he said he hated being there when they woke up.

So, I must have still been asleep.

I’d hoped it wouldn’t have happened to me, I hoped I was special, but I’m sure that’s what everyone who slept with Brad thought.

He bent toward me, peering over a towering tray he carried, concern etched all over him. My eyes dropped to the tray as he pushed it onto my bedside table. The plate piled high with food, a folded napkin with cutlery on top, a little plate of butter, and a pint glass with flowers on the side.

“You came back,” I said bluntly, looking up at him, forcing my face to stay blank, refusing to be swayed by the sweetest thing he’d ever done.

“What? Yeah, of course I came back, you dumbass.”

I pushed myself up to sit, reaching my hand out to the bedside table for support. It rattled as I adjusted myself.

“Whoa, watch out. You’re going to spill everything.” He leaned forward to adjust the plate before grinning at me.

He creased his fingers along my shoulder before stealing a soft kiss.

I was so surprised, I could barely move. All I had was the feel of his happy sigh before he pulled back, his grin even wider.

“You taste awful. You gotta clean your teeth, but we can’t let the food get cold.”

“Where did you go?” I rasped, my voice still hoarse from shouting out so much last night.

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