Page 67 of Isle of Pain

So, turns out, it’s my birthday today. It makes me want to drown in whiskey. Are you home soon?

Biting my nails,I put on a movie and wait for his response but after half an hour, it still doesn’t come. The message hasn’t even been delivered.

I sit up straight and pause the film. The call to Giulia goes straight to voicemail. Fuck, she told me she was going to London tonight for a meeting. I try Andrea next, but he’s not picking up either.

My breathing picks up. Worst case scenarios turn my vision into nightmares. Variations of Nico bleeding on the floor, his wide dead eyes looking through me without seeing me, flash behind my eyelids. Open or closed, all I see is his death. My throat dries until it’s hard to swallow. If only I could calm the fire inside with that tormenting liquid my body craves. Water won’t help, I don’t even reach for a glass above the sink.

My body sinks to the floor and I pull my legs into me, back against the kitchen counter. The rocking back and forth movement doesn’t help. I’m spiralling. My ears are straining to hear Ember’s cries or Nico’s keys inside the door fob. But all that filters through are gunshots that aren’t here, hitting the same spot where his healed wounds are. This time, they didn’t miss. This time, he doesn’t wake up. Blood pours from the wounds into a puddle underneath him. The dark crimson spreads wider.

Wider.

Wider.

“Marie,” a voice says close to me but it could be on the other side of the property for how far it seems. “Marie,” the voice grows louder. Someone shakes my shoulders and I look up, as if through a daze. Red billowing hair and eyes as green as mine filled with concern and fear. I reach to touch Giulia’s face who gets on her knees in front of me.

“Where is Nico?” my voice is raw, the sound coming out croaked.

“I’ve tried to call you but you weren’t picking up.” She ignores my question, frantically checking me for injury. “What happened?”

“Where is he, Giulia?”

I’m bracing for the sentence. I’ve been here before, I know how much it will hurt. I think this time, it might kill me. But I need to know all the same.

“He’s in the Cotswolds with the Dobrevs. They caught Misha’s second in command and they needed his expertise.”

Relief is short-lived. He’s alive.

And he didn’t call me.

He didn’t tell me where he was going or that he wouldn’t come home to me and Ember. Like I knew he would, he’s trying to escape me.

“His phone died, Marie. But he’s okay. He’ll be here soon.”

“What?”

“His phone died. He tried to get a hold of you but I guess the mission didn’t go as planned. I’m not sure what happened down there. Andrea left with the helicopter and went to pick him up.”

Her words are making sense but the meaning isn’t registering. My tired brain wants its usual relief. I drop my head back and let go, hoping she can help me like Nico did. I can’t do this one on my own. I can’t keep fighting the demons inside me.

“I’m an alcoholic, Giulia. And right now, I’m fighting against raiding your house for my fix. I just hallucinated for probablyan hour or two until you found me.” My voice cracks on the last words.

I tentatively gaze up. Giulia’s face isn’t hardened like I thought it would. And her first words are not to ask if I’m fit to take care of Ember or if I hurt her. That’s what I would ask if I were her. Because I can’t be trusted any longer. How long was I imagining Nico’s death? I don’t think I heard her cry and I can’t now but it’s only a matter of time before I either pass out from drinking—because Iwillfind a way to drink—or have another whatever-the-fuck-that-was episode.

“What do you need, Mimi?” she asks softly. The little nickname the only two people I love more than my own life used for me is a balm I didn’t expect.

“I can’t wait for Nico to be back. I need you to drive me to this address.”

I pick up my phone and show her the pinned location on the map.

Her eyes widened and her brow creases. “Are you sure? What about Ember?”

I don’t answer and type instead. The phone she’s holding in her hand chimes with an email. In it, she will find the temporary custody agreement I had Andrea’s lawyer, Luca deRossi, draft for me. As her godparents, Giulia and Andrea will have custody of Ember if Nico can’t take care of her. But I know he will.

“Marie,” she breathes my name and my throat clogs with too many repressed emotions. I’m at my breaking point, seeing Lisa in Giulia’s features. My body starts to tremble and she hugs me tight to her chest. “Come on, take whatever you need. I’ll drive you. Just so you know, Nico isn’t going to be happy about this. Are you sure you want to blindside him like this?”

I clasp my hands on her forearms, urgent and frantic.

“I need to do this forme. And for Ember. Tell me you understand, Gigi.”

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