Page 50 of Isle of Pain

“Uh uh, I’ll just be another few weeks. It’s been good for me to be away from Kalliste for a little while,” I say as I scan the articles at the self checkout and pay for my vice.

“So, you’re coming back?” my mother asks and there’s no hiding the hope in her voice. The voice that used to bring me comfort and that turned into an accusation ever since Lisa died. Or at least that’s how it feels to me.

“When I’m ready, Mamma. I’m not ready yet.”

I don’t want to tell her that every single second in our house is a second closer to the death of my soul. That being away from where Lisa left me all alone to deal with the demons in my head has healed more in me than the years of therapy I’m sure my parents would have sent me to if only they knew the depths of my addiction. How do I tell my own mother that I can’t look at her without resenting her for trying to separate me from what gave me a new life?

“Okay, baby. Remember that a child needs stability. Do you have any plans for your future?”

And there it is again. I’m not jealous of my own daughter. Of course, my mother would have questions and concerns about her. But the pangs of sadness that takes hold of me sure feel like someone ripped my heart and stomped on it. My future is my child and I tell my mother as much before we quickly hang up. She doesn’t voice her disagreement but she doesn’t need to. She wanted more for me than the life of a mother. She wanted me to be more like Lana, and go to university and do something with my life. I know that’s why everyone has kept me away from mafia life and now I left them to live with the epitome of it.

I never thought I’d be a stay-at-home mum. I didn’t think I’d be a mum at all, but now that I’ve been living this life for a few weeks, I like it. It’s quiet and comfortable. I get to spend time outside, walking through a gloomy forest that appeals to me more than the Mediterranean landscapes does, if I’m being honest. I get to read and watch Ember grow. It’s all a privilege that I don’t want to squander by trying to be anything else.

And then, there’s Nico. My cheeks heat, images of what I did to him filling my mind until the ghost of his touch heats my blood.

I let out aumphas a strong shoulder bump into mine as I exit the supermarket with my new supplies of liquid shame inside my purse.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there,” the stranger says and when I lift my gaze, a familiar face stares back at me. “Oh hi. Marie, is it? You’re Giulia’s cousin? We briefly met the other night.”

“Yes. Hi. Luca, right? You’re Andrea’s lawyer?” I ask politely and he smiles awkwardly at me.

“That’s right. I was on my way to my office.” He points to the building across the street, then excuses himself and says goodbye before disappearing behind the revolving door.

Giulia explained that his new wife is her lawyer and I park the information inside my brain, in a neat little box called ‘just in case’.

28

NICO

MURDER MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER…

I’m up and ready to pounce the second someone knocks on the door of my house. Marie rouses and sits up, looking at me with sleep-addled eyes and I place a finger to my mouth so she stays silent.

When I open the door, Andrea’s on the other side of the threshold. “We have him.”

He glances behind me and frowns. I follow his gaze to find Marie wrapped in a blanket, standing a few feet away. I know she hates being kept in the dark, I should have known she’d follow. It doesn’t matter, I want her to be sure about me before my obsession for her prevents me from letting her go when she’ll finally realise I’m a killer and unworthy of her. Every day with her and Ember here brings me closer to the point of no return already. It’s been a week since that night at Absolution, and six weeks since I first started to sleep in her bed. I don’t see myself being able to sleep as soundly if she left.

“Get Ember,luna mia. Give her to Andrea, then get dressed. We have somewhere to be,” I tell her and she disappears without a word in the bedroom that’s now ours.

“Want to tell me what the fuck you’re doing?” Andrea whispers when she’s gone, a tinge of disappointment and concern behind his words.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking Marie to the workshop with me, and you,fratello, are going to play house with your niece.”

“She’s not my niece,” he quips and I growl, getting into his face.

“You better reframe that mindset, Andrea, because as far as I’m concerned Marie and Ember are mine.” The usage of his name does the trick, his eyes widening before he tampers it down. He’s incapable of not clenching his jaw hard though and I know he wants to grill me, but I said all I needed to.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring Marie to see your target tonight.”

“Don’t underestimate her,” I say before I feel her presence behind me. I turn to face her. My next words are not for him. “She’s stronger than anyone knows.”

I thoughtI would feel anxious or excited about bringing Marie here, but there’s nothing but peaceful calm settling in my mind as I open the heavy door of my workshop and we step in.

Andrea and I are very careful with disclosing where we live so I already know that he picked up my guest at Dobrev’s and drove him here. I’m unsure about the state of him andthatbrings a cold sweat at the base of my nape. I don’t like surprises. I would usually do the picking but Dobrev and Andrea are closer so I guess he called him instead of me. Which is fine, I don’t needa new friend. Bringing two new people into my circle of trust is new enough.

Marie’s fingers tense against my own and I turn to face her before we enter my territory.

“I’m not about to throw you into it, Marie. There are multiple rooms inside this barn so first, I’ll show you the room I sometimes use as an office. If, and only if, you are ready, we’ll go meet my guest. You are in control, okay?”

---