Page 97 of The Devil and His Goddess

The sight of my own reflection.

Everything brought me back to that one room, that singular moment in time. I’d freeze up and shut down, starting the loss of time and self all over again.

The worst part about it was seeing what it did to Perseus. As much as I was hurting, I knew he was, too. Yet despite everything he had to be feeling, he wasright there. Cooking me food, drawing me baths, laying next to me while I slept. And then there was the gift he’d given me.

The ballet studio.

I’d yet to go down there since the day he’d shown it to me. Every time I thought about trying, I’d become paralyzed with an unexplainable fear, which forced me to remain in bed like a trembling leaf. I didn’t know if it was fear of the studio potentially reminding me of the one at Aiysha’s, fear of my own reflection in all of those mirrors, or fear that my ability to dance had broken alongside my soul. So I remained locked away in my mental prison and borrowed room.

“Harper?”

The concerned sound of my name had me slowly turning my head to look over my shoulder. I was still on my knees, clutching the ripped pillow I’d used to unleash my fleeting fury. Perseus’s brow furrowed as he knelt next to me on his feather-littered floor. His presence meant I’d lost another day.

Another day without ballet.

Another day without talking to my family or friends.

Another day without living.

“Welcome back,” I rasped, my voice unaccustomed to talking these days. The sound was even worse after my screaming fit.

Perseus looked me over where I rested on my knees and gently pried the tattered pillow out of my hands. “What happened?”

I watched him toss the ruined pillow across the room before fixing my blank gaze on the white bedding. “Nothing.”

He stiffened beside me, and out of the corner of my eye, I caught him clenching and unclenching his fists. I knew he wanted me to let him in. I knew he wanted me to open up and talk. But I didn’t have the words to convey what was happening inside of me. All I had was just that—nothing.

Bringing my eyes to his, I asked, “Mandi’s injured?”

He inhaled deeply and looked at the floor between us, no doubt trying to reign in his frustration at my lack of answers. His voice came out calm as he revealed, “Yeah. Her dance career is over.”

There was no sense of satisfaction or anger at the news. I’d expended all I’d had already, so all I could do now was nod.

“I see,” I replied flatly. “That sucks.”

He let out a gruff, short laugh, but the sound, paired with his clenched jaw and flared nostrils told me he found nothing about any of this funny.

“Yeah,” he agreed roughly, still staring at the empty air between us. “It all sucks.”

He turned to sit fully on the ground and leaned back against the side of the bed. He braced his arms on his bent knees and finally met my gaze. His cheeks were more pronounced than normal, and faint dark circles were beneath his dull green eyes. We were both suffering in different ways with no way to stop it. Even now, neither of us spoke. We stared at the other, each lost to our own sorrows.

The sun, perpetually blocked by thundering clouds.

The butterfly, pelted by never-ending rain.

I wondered if the two would ever find their way back to each other again.

Chapter 36

Perseus

“HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU think it will be until she starts to feel better?” Aiysha asked me, cradling her head in her hands.

The two of us sat on my couch after Harper had excused herself back to our room. With Harper gone, my appetite for dinner left, too. The three dinner plates on the table were still practically full of the chicken, potatoes, and kale as no one could find the will to eat tonight.

“I wish I knew,” I answered weakly. “I wish I could … I don’t know. Take all of her pain away. Trade places with her. Give her a reason to live. Fuckinganything.”

Aiysha swiped under her eyes, clearing them of the tears before they could come. “I thought with it being close to Christmas, her spirits might lift just a little. It’s her favorite time of year. But … it doesn’t seem that way.”

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