Page 87 of The Devil and His Goddess

He shadow-walked—apparently what demons called their ability to travel space and time in the blink of an eye via shadows—to Aiysha’s. He gathered the list of clothes and items I needed and moved it all into his bedroom here. I tried telling him I could use a different room, but he insisted on me taking his.

Aiysha wanted to stay with me, but Perseus’s house was in the opposite direction of her school. I refused to make her life harder because of what happened, so she reluctantly went home to sleep with a promise to return tomorrow after her classes.

After sending Aiysha off, I walked through the house with the gait of a zombie. When I neared Perseus’s room, his whisper made me stop outside of the door. I peeked around the doorway and spotted him on the phone, his fingers rubbing at his forehead.

“I’ll figure something out,” Perseus stated, the hard tone of his voice leaving no room for argument. “I don’t know if I’ll make it in tomorrow. Just follow the schedule for now. They’re professionals, so they know what to do. I’ll handle the shows, prep, and paperwork when I can.”

Frowning, I stayed just out of the doorway until he hung up. I crossed my arms as I stepped into the room. “Was that someone from Silverlight?”

Perseus looked up and nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. Yeah it was.”

“You aren’t planning on going into work tomorrow?”

“No. I have more important things on my mind.”

My cheeks warmed. Not because of some happy rush, but because ofshame. He’d been neglecting Silverlight, his dancers, and his responsibilities as the artistic director and owner because ofme—because of what happened to me.

It was my fault Silverlight was missing their leader.

Just like what happened is your fault.

My lip quivered as I shook my head against the last thought and gritted out, “You need to go to work. I don’t want things getting messed up there because of me. Silverlight needs you.”

He stared hard at me. His hands were braced on his hips, and the knuckles turned white even while his face remained neutral. “Silverlight needs me?JustSilverlight?”

I knew what he was really asking.

And you don’t?

I swallowed hard but kept my stare fixed on his. I wanted to tell him I was fine, but we both knew I wasn’t. I couldn’t lie to him. He’d see right through it. So instead, I stayed silent, unable to conjure fake promises about being okay when I wasn’t sure I ever would be again.

Perseus took a step in my direction. Just as I thought he was about to continue coming closer, he stopped and remained rooted to the spot, a sea of separation between us. His shirt squeezed his arms and torso as he forced himself to hold back.

Finally, he said, “Harper, I appreciate your concern for Silverlight and my presence there. But I wasnevergoing to be at Silverlight full time. I’m there for now, because my band is on a break, but when that gets started back up, I have no intentions of being at Silverlight every single day. That’s why I have Rupert to manage things in my absence. It was always the plan that I’d come and go as needed from the ballet company. The staff knows this and are prepared to work without me there while I oversee from a distance. I know you missed my address at the welcome back party, but the dancers knew this, too. My being here with you isn’t taking anything away from them. They’re prepared for my absence.”

This was news to me. I’d wondered how he was going to be the artistic directoranddo everything he needed for his band obligations. Now I knew. Even for a demon, managing both seemed too great a feat. Knowing that he wasn’t going to be at Silverlight weighed my heart down a fraction. It was already so low that it couldn’t sink much lower, yet, I still felt the sad tug.

Perseus stared at the floor between us and inched forward. “I’ll keep going to work for now if that will make you feel better, because I don’t want you worried about Silverlight. I don’t want you worried aboutDancing in the Darkor anything like that. Focus on resting, okay? Take as much time off as you need. Silverlight will be fine, as will all the other dancers. I’ll take care of it.”

My eyes finally fell to my feet. They burned with a need to cry, but I had no tears left to give. Ever since I’d rushed to work in a frenzy of denial and avoidance, I’d spun even further into the realm of despondency. Until this moment, Silverlight, my role as Psyche, and the needs of my fellow dancers hadn’t even occurred to me. I’d forgotten that I had a job to do, a life outside of the horror that had happened to me. I didn’t know how to face any of it anymore.

How did I go on as if I was still the same woman as before?

I didn’t respond. I walked past Perseus and crawled into bed, still in the same shirt and sweatpants he’d given me yesterday after I’d passed out in the shower. I no longer had the energy to discuss work or life. I had no energy to change clothes. But even worse … I didn’t care. None of it seemed to matter.

All I wanted was to sleep. I wanted to escape this new reality I found myself in, if even for a moment.

Perseus stayed in his place across the room but turned to look at me, his face revealing nothing of what he was thinking. “Do you need anything?”

I clutched the blankets to my chest and held his gaze. Even in my less-than-rational state of mind, I knew there was so much more he wanted to say and ask. There was plenty I wanted to scream and cry. But I couldn’t make sense of them in my own head, let alone say them aloud.

So while he’d asked the safe question, I played along. “I want to sleep.”

“I’ll be in the room next door if you need anything. All you have to do is call my name.”

My chest constricted, and my gaze stayed locked on his back as he left.

All I had to do was yell his name. Perseus. Three little syllables. All I had to do was say it, and he’d be there. But when I’d tried, when it had mattered most, I couldn’t get the name to form. I had fought to scream it. I had pleaded with my voice to justwhisperit.

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