“That’s what I said,” he lied while managing to keep a straight face. His eyes went back to the paper as he continued, “I guess we can talk about your assignment since you don’t want to talk about our pet names.”
“We don’t have pet names,” I practically hissed through clenched teeth.
He ignored me and shuffled the papers to straighten them. “As I’ve told everyone who has met with me so far, I’ll only give out roles face-to-face like this today. Going forward, it will be posted in the main hall. I just wanted a one-on-one with everyone to make sure they got to really meet me and feel comfortable with their new boss.” He grinned and unnecessarily added, “Though, you and I already had something like that.”
“Which I’m trying to forget,” I said with a tight smile before I could stop myself.
I hadn’t even been here for three minutes, yet the man was already getting under my skin. It wasn’t enough that he put me on edge with his hungry eyes during class, reminding me of the flame I’d snuffed out—or rather,triedto snuff out. He wanted to consistently throw it in my face the minute we were alone, too.
He nodded understandingly, which grated on my nerves when he followed it with, “I get it. I’d probably want to forget the night I acted cowardly, too.”
My back went ramrod straight as I gawked at him. “Cowardly? I wasnotacoward.”
He raised a single brow. “What do you call it then?”
“I call itdisinterest. I told you. You aren’t my type.”
He smiled, and with that little grin, I realized he was purposely baiting me and riling me up. He wanted these reactions from me, which in turn, made me want to deny him all of them.
“Can we please talk about the ballet?” I asked with a deep sigh.
“Of course.” The teasing glimmer faded ever so slightly from his mouth as he held my gaze in the small space between us. “Rupert, the dance masters, the répétiteurs, and myself have all been extremely pleased with your technique and performance this week. Your character has also been appreciated as you’ve helped the newer dancers with things they struggled with or just offered a pleasant energy with everyone in the company. It’s truly been amazing to watch you and see the kind of ballerina Silverlight is lucky enough to have in its midst.”
All of the frustration immediately seeped out of me like a rag being wrung dry, and it was replaced with a swell of pride. To have my abilities and efforts noticed and praised was a huge boost for me. I knew I was a great dancer. I worked myassoff my entire life to get to the level I was at, sometimes to the detriment of my own welfare, but I didn’t care. This was what I lived for.
I’d been with Silverlight for three years now. Last year was my first year as a full-time dancer since I’d been a college student and part-time ballerina the two years prior while I got my associates degree. My first year here had been used to gauge my abilities and how well I could manage college and the career.
When the previous artistic director realized I was willing to do whatever it took to make dance work, she’d upgraded me to principal dancer and lead, which I’d managed to maintain ever since then. The past two years, I’d been lucky enough to be a principal dancer, and I was given every lead role that ballerinas dreamt about—Giselle, the Sugar Plum Fairy, and the swan.
With all the new dancers Perseus had hired in, our numbers of ballerinas and danseurs had more than doubled, so while I was still confident in myself, I wondered where my new place would be among the talent here. Hearing all the praise Perseus had for me and my skill had the ball of nerves growing in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to continue being the ballerina my director could rely on for those pivotal roles.
“With all that being said,” Perseus continued with a growing smile, “I am truly delighted to say you are a principal dancer—”
Yes! I practically sang on the inside as I fought back the urge to leap to my feet.
“—and you’ll be taking the lead role—”
I’m still her! I’m still the swan!
“—of Psyche, the female protagonist inDancing in the Dark.”
The air inside me swept away in an instant, drawing my limbs up tight and freezing me in my seat. I stared at Perseus as my head rang with a piercing chime as shock poured through me in a bitter slice.
“N-NotSwan Lake?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t sound as hollow to him as it did to my own ears.
I didn’t mean to actually ask the question out loud. The words slipped past as I went into this almost delirious, confused state.
I’d worked endlessly. Every moment I had was devoted to this job, to roles like the White and Black Swan.
Had I fallen short?
Was I no longer good enough to be her?
“No,” Perseus answered, oblivious to my spiraling thoughts. “The lead ofSwan Lakewent to Mandi Williamson.”
If I thought hearing I wasn’t Odette was a blow to the gut,thiswas an even colder, sharper knife sinking into me andtwisting. Mandi, of all people, got the lead inSwan Lake? The innocent, beautiful, and angelic Odette would be her? Odile would be right up Mandi’s alley, but to be Odette, the timid White Swan?
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, my heart aching.