Page 39 of The Puck Player

“I better go, but there’s more mac and cheese in the fridge courtesy of Daemon, and there’s also cake and stuff, so please just enjoy the rest of your night,” he pleads, pushing off the door and moving back toward me, only to lean down and drop a gentle kiss into my hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow after the game, yeah?” he adds, and I nod, holding back my tears with a smile.

“Of course, I’ll be there front and center.”

We share one last look before he turns on his heel and moves to leave. He makes his way to the door, rips it open and stalks through it, only to pause on the threshold and turn back to me. “Aubree, don’t kiss me again unless you are ready to be mine,” he demands firmly, and before I can even swallow his words, or their meaning, he leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Fuck.

What the hell did I just do?

The feel of Alexander’s lips are imprinted in my mind, the taste of them engraved so deep within me that every time I tried to fall asleep last night, all I could think about was him. I shouldn’t have kissed him, I know that, but I can’t even say I’m sorry because the kiss felt like I had been drowning my entire life, and I finally knew what it was like to come up for air. Is this what it’s supposed to feel like when you kiss someone? Like your entire body is on fire, but all you want to do is stay and enjoy the burn?

All day I have been right back there in that moment, thinking about how firm his lips were against mine, how his hands were fisted in my hair like he never wanted to let me go, and how he pulled me against him like I was everything he needed and more. When he ripped himself away I honestly thought I mightdie, that it might be the one thing that pushed me over the edge I have been dancing along for months now. Then he mentioned Ben and everything fell apart.

I have a boyfriend.

I have a boyfriend and I kissed someone else.

I’m a cheater, and instead of feeling bad, all I feel is desperation.

Ben has never kissed me like that, like he might cease to exist if it weren’t for my lips, and now that I know what it feels like, I never want anything else.

I stayed up until almost midnight and he still didn’t call. I watched every hour of my mom’s birthday tick by on the clock and the only two people who made me feel better were my dad and Alexander, and I’m not sure what to do with that. My boyfriend and my best friend both forgot. They forgot the woman who cooked them breakfast almost every weekend. The one who helped them with homework and taught us all how to drive a car, they forgot her, and they forgot me.

Which is why, before I went to sleep, I posted a picture of the flowers and the cake that Alexander got for me. I didn’t tag him, but I did write a caption that read, ‘Thank you for making me smile on a day filled with sadness’. He liked it almost instantly, and then sent me two text messages. One saying I better have saved him a piece of cake, and another telling me to go to sleep.

It’s clear he’s happy to move past the kiss and act like it didn’t happen, but I’m not sure I can do the same. Which is why I know I need to talk to him.

Evie and I are both in our rooms getting ready for the game, we have about ten minutes before we need to leave, and the only thing I really need to do now is throw on my clothes. My hair is styled in sleek waves, pinned at the front with two little clips, and my makeup is all pink and sparkles to go with the outfit I have picked out. I went for a short pink dress from Alexander’smother’s collection, and I know it’s going to pair perfectly with my golden shoes that tie half way up my calf.

I have just pulled on my pink lace underwear when there is a knock at the front door. I can hear Evie drying her hair through the wall, so I quickly grab my robe and rush to answer it, expecting a delivery or maybe Maddie or Hallie joining us before the game. What I don’t expect is my boyfriend.

“Ben?” I choke out in surprise, blinking back a little in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

“Surprise, pretty girl,” he beams, leaning in to drop a kiss on my head, before brushing right by me and into the apartment.

I follow after him, closing the door, still looking at him in utter shock as I try to make sense of this. “How? Why? What are you doing here?” I stutter out, and again all he does is smile.

“I came to surprise you obviously,” he replies with a roll of his eyes, and it’s nothing like the playful way that Alexander does it, and at the thought guilt and shame burn in the pit of my stomach. “I thought since we didn’t get our alone time last time, we could have it now,” he adds, an undercurrent of expectation lingering in his tone, and I force a smile to my face to hide my internal panic. Before I can even think of what to say, I note his eyes taking in all the flowers in distaste, before he brings his stare back to me. “You look nice, where are you off to?”

There is no way in hell I can tell him that I was getting ready to go to one of Alexander’s games, so instead I quickly lie, “Oh, nowhere important, it was just a party with Evie, but I can cancel now you’re here, no big deal.” I aim for my voice to be calm and casual, but instead his eyes light up in an unfamiliar way.

“A party? Sounds fun. What time do we leave?” he asks, and again I am rendered speechless, just as Evie exits her room and widens her eyes in disbelief.

“Ben, hey,” she starts slowly, looking between the two of us, and as Ben turns to greet her, I look around in a panic, one thatEvie apparently senses because she quickly adds, “Do you like all the flowers Bree and I picked out at the florist yesterday?” My eyes widen at her quick thinking, the guilt intensifying even more with her lying for me, especially since we didn’t even discuss who they were from, but clearly she knows.

“Evie, nice to see you again,” Ben replies, as cordial as ever. “The flowers are a bit of an overkill if you ask me,” he states firmly, and it’s clear he doesn’t believe a word she just said, but instead of calling either of us out on it, he changes the subject. “Bree was just telling me about the party you guys are going to.”

“Oh well, Evie has somewhere to be first, so I was just gonna meet her there later, right Evie?” I rush out, once again silently pleading, and thankfully she quickly smiles and nods.

“Yeah, I’m just going to finish getting ready and head out,” she lies again, moving to grab a drink from the kitchen before she excuses herself back into her room.

Ben looks back to me with a smile and then gestures toward my room. “Shall we?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for my response, just moves in the direction of my room and I have no choice but to follow.

On my way in I quickly grab my phone and silence it, before tossing it into my bag for later, the guilt now weighing even heavier than before, as Ben positions himself against my headboard and flicks his eyes to me with a smug grin.

“Since we’ve got some time to kill, how about we go and grab dinner before the party,” he suggests, and I nod with a forced smile.

“That sounds great,” I lie, willing my heartrate to relax, as I casually shift my eyes around the room.

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