Page 105 of Dean

I don’t know, I really don’t, but I do know I need to chat with someone.

And I need to know what to say to Dean when we finally talk again.

“Oh, it sounds like he’s sad,” Beau says, his blond head touching the floor. He’s flopped off the side of the couch, his hair brushing the hardwood as he looks at me upside down. “I mean, I know he hurt you, but you hurt him back by leaving.”

“I think I did too.”

“But you were vulnerable. You told him the truth and instead of supporting you blindly, he got…upset.” Beau sits up and wobbles slightly. “Oh my. I shouldn’t have done that. I feel lightheaded. Might pass out now.”

“Here, have some water. Please, don’t pass out.”

“Oh yes. Water. Well…thank you.” He gulps it, and I sigh, leaning back in my chair and staring at the wall. I’m currently at the small apartment he shares with a few other roommates. He just got back from work and no one else is here, so I managed to catch him at the perfect time. When he saw my sad eyes and wet cheeks, he pulled me into his place and plied me with candy. I feel sick from it, actually.

“Maybe I should go home so Dean and I can talk. I don’t want him sad. I don’t want to be sad,” I murmur.

“Yes, or you could make him suffer and make him wait. I do like a good suffer.”

“I don’t want him to suffer. He’s a sensitive soul. He feels deeply. He lost his wife.”

“Oh yes, don’t do that then,” Beau replies and then pushes his bottom lip out. “I’m probably the worst person to talk to about this. I waffle more than an American breakfast.”

I let out an unexpected snort. “Yeah, you do. You were just calling him a betraying piece of shit.”

“I mean, those are harsh words and I know he’s not. Not really. He’s just a baby bi who’s confused. I bet he doesn’t know what to do with you.”

“Yeah, maybe. I dunno. I do know he’s very confused. Me being around all the time isn’t helping. And now Nick is coming to his place and setting shit on fire. I think I underestimated my ex-roommate.”

“Yeah, that’s fucked up. But he did that because Dean was brave and went to confront him. Probably roughed him up like a real man. So romantic.”

“Yeah, I know, but he shouldn’t have done that. He should let me handle my own problems…”

“He doesn’t want you to have to handle them.”

“I’m going to fuck this up. I’m going to hurt him.”

“Then hurry home and work it out with him.”

My head falls into my palms and I sniffle loudly. “I should. But part of me thinks I should just leave, even though he said he didn’t want me to go.”

“Oh, babe,” Beau replies, and then scoots over next to me, putting his head on my knee. “You should go home and give him a good snuggle and talk about it. Your parents are shitheads and your ex-roommate is poo. I think it will all work out.”

“He may think all of this isn’t worth it though. He’s probably never had to deal with any of this shit before. His son is an angel. I bet Elaine was too.” I think about Cash and Ford and internally amend my comment.

Maybe Ben isn’t as innocent as everyone thinks.

Wait, I know he’s not.

My phone lights up suddenly and I look down at it, seeing a message from Dean. Just seeing his name makes my heart race. Oh fuck, I’m never going to get over him.

Never ever. I’m going to pine until kingdom come. Until I die from lust.

I pull my lips between my teeth and breathe deeply. “He just texted.”

“Open it and respond.”

Beau makes a grab for my phone, but I’m too quick. I pull the message up, and it’s asking where I am and if I’m safe. It only makes my eyes water more. He cares even after all of that. After my admission.

He’s too good for me.

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