Page 80 of Hot Shot

She chews her lip, glancing at the floorboard. “I dunno.”

Backing up, I make it a point not to look at her. “You don’t?”

She shrugs in my periphery.

“Do you have something to tell me?”

For a second, Cricket says nothing, and I give her the space, hoping she’ll find the words.

Finally, she says, “Sometimes, I’m not nice to Avery either.”

Relief at her confession eases the tension wound through me. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

With a deep breath, she does. “Sometimes I just get so mad, Cass. Avery is so mean. She hurts my feelings, she hurts me—and Caden too. So sometimes I just…I just want to push her first. Or say something mean before her.”

“I get that,” I say softly.

“I hate her,” the words are shaky and biting.

“Hey, now. We don’t hate anybody.”

“I don’t hate anybody except her. She…she says things about Mama. About Daddy and you. It’s not fair. It’s not f-fair that she can do whatever she wants and doesn’t get in trouble, but I do.” Fat tears roll down her cheeks, streaking them.

The crumbled bits of my heart are officially dust.

“I know, baby. But hurting her back isn’t the answer. I know it feels better when you’re hurting, but you’ve gotta stop.”

“Why? She doesn’t stop. She won’t leave me alone!” she cries.

“You just have to stay away from her?—”

“I do! I do try! She follows me or finds me. She always finds me.” Cricket wails, her face tight and red and wet from tears before curling in on herself, sobbing.

I can’t take it anymore. I pull off into the Dollar General parking lot and turn off the truck, undoing her seatbelt so I can slide her across the bench and into my lap. She cries and cries and cries, and I hold her, staring out the front window with a thousand thoughts firing at once.

After a long time, her tears run dry, and she sniffles, hiccupping. “It’s not fair,” she whispers.

“It’s not. I know. I wish grownups had the answers. I wish I could be everywhere at once so I could save you from getting hurt. Nothing about it is fair.”

“What did her mom say?” she asks carefully.

I sigh and try not to lie. “She wanted to talk about how hurt Avery has been.”

“Was she mad?”

“Yes. She was mad, but only because she loves Avery. Just like I love you.”

A sob breaks from her, and she burrows into my chest. “I love you too.”

I hang onto her like she’ll fly away if I let her go. Tears of my own fall.

“I was mad too, Cricket. I was so, so mad because seeing you in pain hurts me too. I want to protect you so much, I’d do anything to make sure you’re safe. So I understand how her mom feels, in my way. But we’re going to figure this out. Okay?”

She nods against my chest, and I kiss the top of her head.

“In the meantime, I don’t want you to talk to Avery. I don’t want you to look at her. If she comes near, you leave and come find me. Let her say whatever she wants, don’t say a word back. You just come straight to me or Ms. Panko, or any other teacher you can find. Then she’s the only one who gets in trouble, and no one will be able to argue that.”

For a second, she’s quiet. “What if she lies and says it was me?”

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