Page 27 of Hot Shot

Paul shakes his head, his brow furrowing. “I only just found out it was you myself.”

Patty stares at her hands as they fiddle with one thumbnail. “It wasn’t my place to telleitherof you—it was hers. You’d just moved to Los Angeles when she realized she was pregnant, and she thought you’d do something stupid if you found out, likeask her to marry you or move home. Or try and convince her to leave.”

“That wasn’t her call to make.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Patty replies. “But she made it anyway.”

No one speaks for a long moment.

Paul clears his throat. “I think you should have a paternity test done, just to be sure. But seeing the two of you next to each other, I don’t know that there’s much of a question.”

Patty looks sick. “I’m so sorry we brought her with us, but she hasn’t been alone since…” She clears her throat. “Cricket could have been home with her mother when the fire took her, but she was staying with us. Thank God we didn’t lose them both.”

Another shock I’m trying to process—Ididknow the girl who died a couple towns over. Very, very well.

Paul picks up where she left off. “There are some things that need to be discussed and decided on right away. Ashley drew up a will after Cricket was born that made her custody wishes known. Ultimately, she wanted you to raise Cricket.”

I cannot seem to fully grasp what is happening, so I sit silently in the hopes one of them will say something that’ll make it all make sense.

Patty continues. “Her worry was that you…well, you didn’t seem to be very serious. She mentioned there were a lot of girls in and out.” She shifts in her seat through a beat of silence, her face apologetic. “So, she stipulated that if you weren’t either in a committed relationship or married, she wanted us to have primary custody of Cricket.”

Paul lays a hand on his wife’s. “I have to admit, we’re relieved to meet Cass. Don’t get me wrong—we would do anything for that little girl and to honor Ashley’s wishes. But…” He shakes his head at the coffee table. “I’m looking down the barrel at my seventieth birthday, son. I can’t chase her around the backyard or teach her how to play ball. We don’t have people in our liveswith kids her age. Just grandkids. We…we can’t give her the life you and your wife can. But I have to say, Wilder…we don’t know you, and neither does Cricket. Ashley was a smart girl, and we trust she knows what’s best for her daughter. But she didn’t know you either, at least not who you are now. If for any reason you don’t live up to your end of the bargain, we’ll fight for Cricket. And we’ll get her.”

It’s too much. I lean forward, pressing my face into my hands.

Paul moves on and is telling me about the standby guardianship Ashley set up for them, then on about establishing paternity and going to court to figure out custody before ultimately shifting into to how they live in a retirement community and she can’t live with them there, but they’ll sell their house and move if I can’t take her. School is about to start—she needs to get registered as soon as possible.

When I raise my head, I feel like I’ve aged a decade.

Patty reaches into her purse. “I know it’s a lot, and I’m sorry. But this is what Ashley wanted. She left you this.”

Her hand reappears with an envelope. She passes it to me. The letter trembles in her hand.

I lean forward and take it, tearing it open with numb fingers.

My anxious eyes skim and jump through the letter, looking for answers. So I take a long, deep breath and force myself to slow down and read, starting at the top again.

Wilder-

I hope you never read this.

If I’m somehow that unlucky, I have to first say I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Cricket. If I trusted you wouldn’t do something wild like sacrifice your career for us, I would have told you when I found out I was pregnant. I had no good excuseonce I heard you moved home except that I was overwhelmed and afraid. You don’t owe me forgiveness for that.

I know a lot of people who could care for Cricket if something should happen to me. My parents. Friends. Family.

But none of them are her father.

My only hangup is that you, Wilder, have always lived up to your name—a revolving door of girls and good times. Hopefully, if this ever finds its way to you, you’ve settled down and are in a serious relationship. But if not, Cricket will go with my parents. She needs stability, and you need to prove that you can provide that for her. If the timing had been different, and if I wasn’t absolutely sure you were still in love with your ex, I think we could have been something.

As it stands, none of that is true.

But I hope you’ll consider taking care of Cricket. I can see your face in hers, in her eyes, in her smile. The sound of her laughter. If you don’t fall in love with her, or if you just can’t bear the burden, then send her with my parents. Know they’ll be there for you too. They’ll support you, whatever you decide. I know she’ll be in good hands.

I’m sorry for everything, most of all that I’m not there. But you’ll know what to do.

Just trust yourself.

And take care of her, however you can.

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