Page 31 of Magic or Madness

He nods, and unlocks the passcode, watching as I type into the browser.

I take a deep breath, terrified of what comes after I finally reveal my shameful past to another person. I’ve thought about this moment since the first night we shared, knowing he wouldn’t let it go, and that it would come to this. But after last night, when Ozzy broke down his walls for me, I decided that the next time he asked, I’d be honest this time, and tear down a wall for him.

I watch as the page loads, and every category with pictures of me shows up on the screen. All the disgusting details of what I endured as a teenager are in the palm of my hands, and I pass the phone to the one person strong enough to carry some of the load with me.

His eyes break away from mine, looking down at the evidence of the lengths I was willing to go to to save my mother, and his expression is one I can’t quite read.

“What is this, Fallon?” He asks, scrolling through the website with his eyebrows knitted together in what looks like confusion.

A lot of the pictures are from when I was younger, maybe around sixteen or seventeen, but I blocked most of thosememories out. I changed my appearance when I came here, opting for purple hair and a fresh start, but the rest is still me, still very recognizable.

“My stepdad used to um … take pictures of me, whenever I needed money for my mom. He created this website and sold them for profit,” I say, my voice shaking with every word.

Ozzy looks down at the phone, and back up at me, a fierceness in his eyes that I only see when he’s angry.

This is going to send him over the edge.

“Come here, Bambi,” he whispers, throwing his phone on the ground and stomping on it.

It shatters beneath his boot, crunching against the sand and rocks until he kicks it into the river.

I rest my head on his chest, and feel the warmth of his arms around my body, enveloping me in a safe space.

“That’snotyou. You’re not in that place anymore. You are safe with me. Do you understand me, Fallon?” He says sternly, a low, almost growl coming from his throat as he articulates his words.

“Yes, I know, Ozzy. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel comfortable,” I confess, and feel his body tense with my words.

“When you’re ready to tell me more, I’ll listen. You don’t have to explain anything else right now, okay,my beautiful girl?”

“It’s okay, I want you to know the truth. Let’s walk,” I say, breaking out of his embrace, and he follows my lead, his hand hovering over my lower back.

We walk along the trail as the trees whip in the wind, and the river slowly ebbs and flows next to us. We follow the winding path, and I explain my history, choking back the tears at some of the more explicit details, but Ozzy doesn’t flinch, judge, or make me feel less than.

When I finally finish recalling the harrowing story, hashing out my worst memories, and pouring out my soul for him to see, I don’t feel the shame I thought I would.

Ozzy stops walking, bringing me into his arms, and my whole world stops spinning.

“Fallon, you were a child. You shouldn’t have ever been in that situation where you had to choose between your body and your mother’s addiction. I’d kill the man if I ever had the chance.”

I sigh with deep relief, the freedom flowing through me now that I’ve finally confessed, and it feels like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders that I’ve carried for too many years.

“Thank you, Ozzy, for not running away or thinking less of me,” I say quietly, and he tilts my chin, giving me nowhere else to look but into his dark eyes.

“You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, carrying all of this on your own for so long. There are going to be a million moments in our lives where I tell you that I love you, but when I look back on it all at the end, this moment will stand out to me. Not because of what you went through, or how I was the first person you felt safe enough to tell your truth to, but because this very second makes me realize howpowerfulyou are. How absolutely fucking strong you are, and when you love someone, you’d do anything to protect them. You’re a fucking warrior, Fallon Mariano, and that is something I could never, ever think less of you for.” He kisses my forehead tenderly, and I can’t help the tears that cascade down my cheeks.

I didn’t expect anyone to understand what I’ve been through, but the fact that I’ve found my other half, and he accepts my past, is almost too much to handle at once.

I’m overwhelmed, on the verge of a panic attack, and Ozzy senses something is wrong, guiding me to a nearby picnic table.

“Hey, Fallon. You’re okay, remember? It’s you and me, you’re not in that place anymore,” he repeats, and my breathing slowly starts to regulate.

“I wasn’t ever going to tell another living soul,” I whisper, and he nods, seemingly understanding my pain.

“I’m glad you told me,my beautiful girl. I will always protect you.” He smiles, reaching for my hands across the table, and rubbing small circles on my skin with the pad of his thumb.

We sit for a long time, pointing out small things within nature that we notice or find interesting, and slowly, the anxiety flows out of my body, and I’m feeling better about my confession.

“I have a useless fun fact for you, Bambi.” Ozzy smiles from ear to ear, and I wait with bated breath.

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