Page 87 of Magic or Madness

I can read her body language, the kink in her eyebrow showing that she’s in deep thought, and the slight shake of her head tells me that she’s trying not to cry, but ready to heal from her past trauma.

I follow her to the rocks, watching as the waves crash onto them, splashing and spraying salty water each time they reach the shore. It’s louder over here, as the rush of the water is more intense, and I can’t think of a better spot for Fallon to clear herself of everything on her plate.

“Here goes nothing,” she says with a sad smile, lifting her arms in the air.

I watch as her plate comes crashing down, shattering into pieces inside the ziplock bag. One throw wasn’t enough, though, as she takes it in her hands again, dropping it back down until the pieces become smaller. As she throws her pain in the form of a plate, screams of anguish leave her body, like she’s exorcizing her past demons and casting them out of her body, and mind, for good.

She repeats this over and over again until she’s out of breath, there’s nothing left to smash, and the screams become silent cries.

There’s dust, and shards of ceramic, coating the bottom of the bag with remnants of colorful markers left on some of the larger pieces.

“Better?” I drape my arm over her shoulder, listening as her ragged breaths slow down and she breathes a deep sigh of relief.

“No, but I will be.” She leans into my touch, snuggling under my arm, and walking in sync with me down the shore.

I take her hand, bending our elbows in a crook until I can kiss the place where our tattoos meet.

“Sacred prayer,” I whisper, her beautiful eyes flicking up to meet mine.

“Like an oath.”

It’s our little saying, something that Fallon whispered to me one night in the darkness of our room, and I’ll never get enough of us dedicating ourselves to each other with five simple little words.

Nobody could ever understand what it means to us, those phrases she whispered to me carving out a special place in my heart that only she could climb inside and occupy.

In a short time, so much of me has become hers, that sometimes, I can’t define where she ends, and I begin.

The others slowly make their way back to us, and we climb back under the cover of the trees, settling down on the blanket. Nobody is in a rush to leave, but as I scan the faces surrounding me, I can see the relief in their eyes, like Fallon’s healing exercise actually worked.

Somehow, this group feels lighter, the tension feeling less like a rope around our necks, and more like a comfortable silence linking us together in a light embrace.

Slowly, everyone begins to gather their things, saying their goodbyes to Masha and walking down the path we came.

I wait back, letting everyone have their moment, opting to go last and having my own privacy as I attempt to truly push through the guilt and the grief.

“I’ll give you space and wait at the bottom for you,” Fallon whispers, letting go of my hand.

“Please stay.” I pull her back to my chest and she nods, wrapping her arms around my waist.

I push the damp hair from her face, wiping the rain around her eyes as she gives me a warm smile –my favorite one– where the dimples stand out on her cheeks.

“You can do this, Ozzy,” she says, cupping my cheek with her soft hand.

I nod, feeling empty as I let her go, and stand in front of this tree one final time.

“You have a funny way of asking for attention,Sorellina.” I crack, a slight chuckle coming from my throat before I become more serious.

Masha loved a good joke more than anyone, and I fear she’d be disappointed if Ididn’tshow up at her memorial site without a few tucked under my sleeve.

“As you know, this is Fallon, the absolute light of my life. I don’t know if you brought her to me, but please watch over her when I can’t. Keep her safe for me,” I plead, feeling my girlrubbing her hand along my forearm. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me – besides you.”

I draw a deep breath, close my eyes, and tip my head to the sky, letting the mild air reach my lungs. When I exhale, I finally feel like I can push this pain down, keeping it from corrupting me any further.

“I’ve got him now, you can let go.” Fallon steps up, placing one fallen flower on the only branch she can reach.

I take her hand, leading us from the clearing back to the beach, and when we get past the cover of the trees, we see a rainbow directly over the ocean.

It’s faint, as the sun is still setting over the horizon, but the colors are visible. Its arch shape cascades over the sea, bringing closure to all of us on this beach.

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