Page 80 of Magic or Madness

“That, I can absolutely do.” He sits me up, unzipping the delicate fabric and sliding it over my skin.

I watch as he unbuckles my heels, gently slipping them off and tossing them on the floor.

I throw my hair into the worst messy bun imaginable, snuggle under the covers completely naked, and wait for sleep to take me away. I toss and turn, waiting for Ozzy to come back to bed, but it feels like ages until he climbs in next to me.

“I can’t sleep.”

“That’s the coke, Bambi. You’re still coming down. Drink some water for me, please,” he whispers, handing me an ice-cold glass.

“I’m sorry, baby. I think I learned my lesson,” I confess, resting my head on his chest, feeling the comfort only he can provide.

“I’m not upset with you, Fallon. Let’s just try to avoid doing drugs with strange girls in bathrooms. You never know what sick people mix that shit with, and it’d break my heart to see anything bad happen to you.” He strokes my hair, and I feel the vibrations in his chest when he speaks.

His heart beats against my cheek, and I’m hyper-aware of the smallest noises around me, making it nearly impossible to settle down.

Every sense is heightened, and suddenly I feel panic rising through my body, flooding me with heat, stealing the breath from my lungs.

“Ozzy, I think I’m having a panic attack. I can’t breathe.” I sit up, scrambling to make this feeling go away, but Ozzy pulls me right back down.

“Shhh. You’re okay. Let’s talk about tomorrow. You planned such a perfect day, and I want to hear every thoughtful detail you came up with to honor Masha.” His arms cocoon me, keeping me safe against his soft skin, and I list everything I can remember that we’re doing tomorrow.

It settles me, distracting me from hearing every small sound and feeling things so deeply.

Eventually, the drugs wear off, and my mind doesn’t feel so alive anymore, but I’m still struggling to keep myself from panicking. When I was in the moment, the high felt incredible, like something had been missing from the way I was previously living my life. Now that I’m back in a familiar environment, the weight of what I did tonight is crashing at my feet, and the repercussions are hitting hard.

Ozzy’s right. I could’ve died, overdosed, or developed a fucking addiction. I’m my toughest critic at times, and this is no different. That was my first and last time doing cocaine, and as fun as it was, thinking of a world where I’m not with Ozzy is enough to scare me straight.

He’s fast asleep underneath me, and I take a moment to count my lucky stars that this man puts up with me daily. He’s my world, and I’m so helplessly in love with him that I’d follow him anywhere.

Our connection hasn’t wavered since day one in the diner, and every choice that I’ve made since then has changed my life in the most magical ways.

I feel like I have a family now with these misfits, and nothing has felt more like a home in my life than a beaten-down car dealership in the middle of nowhere North Carolina.

Still, we’re not the perfect couple.

We don’t argue, or fight, but there’s been a few rough patches since I moved in.

Between his nightmares and constant reminders of Masha, things have taken a darker turn recently, but I think we’re moving past that honeymooner's bubble and forging our way through shit together, for better or worse.

Instead of tossing and turning in this bed, I decide to throw on some clothes and find myself a late-night snack.

Now that I’m sober, I’m fucking starving.

Someone else is rummaging through the kitchen, and I close my eyes and silently hope that it’s not Journey. Anyone but him.

To my surprise, it’s Oliver, and he’s reheating leftovers from the dinner we cooked last night.

“Got enough for two?” I call out, making him jump out of his skin.

“Fuck, Fal. Can’t sleep?”

I shake my head and sit at the kitchen island, watching as he scoops extra ziti onto a plate for me.

“That’s because you’re a newbie. Hits you harder the first few times.” He laughs, tossing me a water bottle from the fridge.

“First and last time, that’s for fucking sure,” I say, resting my head on the counter.

“You and Cami seemed to have hit it off,” he muses, and I wince at the mention of her name.

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