Page 164 of Magic or Madness

Not yet.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I just want to hold you, hold onto this moment for a bit,” I say, and she nods, climbing onto my lap.

“I love you, Ozzy. I have such a good feeling about this, like we’re going to find something so spectacular on our trip. Life changing,” she rambles, that beautiful mind always seeing the best in any situation.

“We’ll be alright, Bambi.” It feels like my body is being pulled in two directions, stretching until I’m so thin, I can barely see where I need to be and where I want to be.

No part of me wants to do this, but I know I have to.

We all have dinner together, one last pizza delivery and we all put on our best poker faces. I’m a shell of myself, attempting to hide my guilt and true intentions, but I’m having a hard time keeping a straight face.

Cami breaks out the top-shelf vodka, pouring everyone a shot, encouraging us to live a little, as she put it.

She’s going crazy in here, desperate for fun, the same old Camila that I’ve always known, but tonight, I’m grateful for her.

A few shots will be just enough to take the edge off but also put Fallon to sleep in a way that will allow me to slip away without her waking up.

I can’t bear to look into her eyes, tell her the truth, or give her a proper goodbye. I’m spineless, weak, selfish, and fucking evil, but she’ll never let me go without her, either.

It’s two sides of a bad coin, neither side landing on a good outcome no matter how many times I flip.

“I haven’t told her yet, either,” Lex whispers, standing beside me as we watch the girls play their version of flip cup.

It’s the same game, but they take shots way more often, treating the vodka as a reward, rather than a punishment.

I place my hand on his shoulder, knowing the exact demons he’s struggling with. Time seems to be ticking much slower tonight, and every time I look at the clock, or think of the time we chose to leave, the agony grows inside me. I want to silence my thoughts, block out the strong urge to call it off, fast forwarding time until we’re on the road, when there’s no going back.

I watch as Cami and Fallon steal flirty glances at each other, their touches lingering for a few seconds too long, theunderstanding of love radiating between them, and finally, I see a ray of light in this fucked up situation.

They’ll have each other.

It won’t cut as deep for Fallon with Cami by her side.

“Why do you look so sad over here, all by yourself?” Pepper strides up to me cheerfully, popping the top off a beer and handing it to me.

“Rough couple days, Pep, that’s all. Thanks for checking in,” I tell her, watching as she furrows her eyebrows with my response.

“Okay, sure. You’re being too hard on yourself. She’s fine,” she says sternly, not buying my bullshit answer for a second.

People underestimate Pepper because she’s goofy, unaware, and blonde, but deep down, it’s all an act. She’s smarter than any of us give her credit for. I’ve caught those moments where she lets her intelligent side show, even though it’s usually very brief, and covered up by a dumb comment.

“Don’t you just love them? They’re so carefree, just enjoying each other in the best ways. I’m so happy for them,” she whispers, talking about Cami and Fallon.

They’ve stopped pretending and decided to dance together, their hands roaming slowly and getting used to a larger audience.

“I couldn’t agree more, Pep,” I say, and she smiles, walking back toward the group.

The atmosphere is tense tonight, with all the guys trying to end the party way before we usually would. It’s getting late, and time to begin the plan to leave before anyone backs out.

There are a few hours left until we go, and I want to hold Fallon until the last possible second.

“Come here, Bambi.” I reach in between her and Cami, pulling her directly into my arms.

“Ozzy! I was dancing!” She cries, but I scoop her up, waving at everyone as I carry her away.

“I need snuggles frommy beautiful girl, is that okay?” I ask, dropping her on the mattress and lying beside her.

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