Page 143 of Dance of Ruin

“Nico,” I say again, more slowly. “I don’t understand what you’re apologizing for.”

He drags a trembling hand through his hair.

“I watched the video,” he finally says hoarsely. “The one of…you.”

The words hit like a gunshot. The floor turns liquid. I feel like I’ve stepped into thin air, and I don’t know where the ground is anymore.

“You…” My voice cracks.

“For the first time,” he adds, choking.

Something inside me winces, like I’ve been punched.

“You…youjustwatched it now?”

“I watched the first part before—just the very beginning. But I couldn’t—I couldn’t go further. I thought I knew what it was. I thought it was…”

Suddenly, I feel nauseous.

Shattered.

Cold.

“You never watched it before.”

My voice reminds me of crumpled crepe paper as it rattles dryly from my throat.

Nico’s eyes lance into mine, a haunted, broken darkness in them.

“You…” I slowly shake my head from side to side, my pulse thudding. “You thought I’d made a fuckingporn,” I rasp, staring at him. “Youblackmailedme with it.Threatenedme with it.”

His face twists.

“I didn’t know,” he says again, softer now.

“You didn’twantto know,” I snap.

It comes out more sharply than I meant it to, but I don’t take it back.

Because it’strue.

Something in me breaks and shatters.

It’s just now hitting me that the entire basis forall of this—for all our twisted power games—was predicated on an idea he had of me in his head.

That I was a cheap whore who made porn.

“You thought I was a slut,” I whisper, and my voice wavers.

Not with grief. With rage.

“That’s why you thought you could control me. Why you dragged me into this twisted,fucked-upthing with you! You thought I’d already belonged to someone else, so…what?” I bark. “That meant I’d be easy to own?!”

His jaw sets. “Naomi, I didn’t?—”

“You figured I wasused,so I’d letyouuse me too?”

“Nao—”

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