Page 8 of Hero Worship

Xavier stepped closer to Leo, protective. "Hey, no pressure. You're safe with us either way."

The words hit like a slap. No pressure? What the fuck did that mean? Like I was some kind of threat they needed protecting from? The familiar spiral started. I was too much, too needy, toobroken.

But then Leo surprised me. He squared his shoulders and held out his hand. "What the hell. When in Rome, right?"

"That's my boy!" I laughed, too loud, too bright, as I dropped a pill into his palm. "Bottoms up, bitches!"

The Molly hit like electricity through my veins fifteen minutes later. Suddenly, everything wasmore. The colors were brighter, music deeper, skin hypersensitive to every brush of fabric. The beat wasn't just sound anymore; it was alive inside me, driving out thoughts of Ash and his disappointed eyes.

But then I saw Xavier and Leo together, and the high started to sour. They moved like they were made for each other, Xavier's hands gentle on Leo's hips, Leo's head tipped back in complete trust. The tenderness of it made my chest ache.

When some meathead tried getting handsy with Leo, Xavier was there in an instant. Not violent, just... protective. Like Leo was something precious worth defending. My throat got tight watching them. That's what I wanted. Not just someone to fuck me or fill the empty spaces, but someone who would show up. Someone who would look at my mess and still think I was worth protecting.

Someone like Ash, with those storm-gray eyes that seemed to see right through me.

I needed air. The crowd was too much, bodies pressing too close, everything too bright and loud andreal. I shoved my way through the writhing mass of humanity toward the back exit, gasping as the cool night air hit my overheated skin.

The alley behind the club was all wet pavement and neon reflections, couples making out against graffiti-covered walls. And then I saw him through the haze of drugs and desperation. He was tall, broad-shouldered, with that same salt-and-pepper hair as Ash. For a second, my drug-addled brain actually thought itwashim. Stupid. As if Ash would ever be caught dead in a place like this. But from behind, in the neon-tinted darkness, this guy could have been his double. Maybe that's what I needed, a cheap knockoff to get the real thing out of my system.

He noticed me staring and smirked, but it wasn’t quite right. Ash's smirks had an edge of danger to them, promised consequences I was dying to earn. But beggars couldn't be choosers, and I was definitely begging tonight. His cigarette hit the ground as he stalked closer, eyes silver in the neon glow. They weren't that perfect storm-gray I'd been dreaming about, but they were close enough to pretend.

"Hey beautiful," he drawled, voice rough like he'd been chain-smoking through a life I couldn't imagine.

"Hey yourself," I purred back, falling into the familiar pattern. Flirt, seduce, self-destruct. At least this script I knew by heart.

"Name's Zach," he said, crowding into my space. He smelled like leather and cloves. All wrong, nothing like Ash's clean aftershave and gunpowder.

"What's in a name?" I quoted, letting my voice go breathy and desperate. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

"Shakespeare, huh?" His laugh was low and heated as his hands found my hips. "Smart and sexy." He pressed me back against the brick wall, grinding against me. "What do you say we find a dark corner and have some fun?"

My body hummed with artificial courage as I pressed back against him. This close, I could almost pretend he was Ash. Almost. "Thought you'd never ask, daddy."

His grip tightened, mouth crashing into mine, all teeth and tobacco. Wrong, wrong,wrong. But I kissed back anyway, desperate and messy, trying to lose myself in the sensation. It wasn't Ash's careful control or commanding presence, but maybe it would be enough to make me forget what I really wanted.

"Gonna bend you over right here," he growled against my neck, dragging me deeper into the shadows, and something in me started to fracture. His hands were everywhere, too rough, too fast, nothing like the controlled strength I craved. Realitystarted bleeding through the high. This wasn't what I wanted, wasn'twhoI wanted.

"Wait," I gasped, but his mouth swallowed the word. My heart pounded, not from desire, but from the helpless spiral of losing control.

"Stop," I tried again, voice straining against the music and drugs and fear. But Zach wasn't listening, his grip bruising as he—

Suddenly he was gone, ripped away by familiar hands. Xavier stood between us, fury radiating off him in waves. "He said stop, asshole."

Zach raised his hands, backing away with that same ugly smirk. "My bad, bro. Didn't realize he was taken." His eyes raked over me one last time. "See you around, pretty boy."

The silence after felt heavier than the bass still pounding through the walls. Xavier turned to me, rage and worry warring in his expression. "What the fuck, Dee?" His voice cracked on the childhood nickname.

I forced a smirk, trying to hide how badly I was shaking. "Chill. Not like I haven't hooked up with randos before."

"Not like this!" Xavier's hands clenched into fists. "Not when you're too fucked up to even say no! If we hadn't been here..."

I opened my mouth to argue, but the words died in my throat. He wasn't wrong. But admitting that meant admitting everything else—how desperate I was to feel something real, how terrified I was of ending up alone, how much I wanted someone to see all my broken pieces and still think I was worth saving.

Eli's steady hand landed on my shoulder. "Come on, Xander. Let's get you home before your brother has an aneurysm."

I let them bundle me into the car, the high fading into something raw and hollow. Xavier kept throwing worried glances in the rearview mirror, and I couldn't meet his eyes. His concern was too much right now. Xion's solid presence besideme was grounding, even if neither of us mentioned how this wasn't the first time he'd seen me spiral. Some traumas you learned to live with.

"Your brother's going to kill me," Eli muttered from the front seat, fiddling with one of his leather cuffs. "Sir specifically told me to keep you guys out of trouble."

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