Page 125 of Body and Soul

Eli's eyes went wide with terror as they locked onto mine. He recoiled into the couch cushions, pressing himself as far away from me as possible, a muffled whimper escaping from behind the gag. His whole body trembled violently, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps through his nose.

I approached slowly, hands raised in what I hoped was a non-threatening gesture. “Eli, it's me. It's Shepherd. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to see any of this.”

But Eli shook his head frantically, fresh tears spilling down his ashen cheeks. He strained against his bonds, the plastic zip ties cutting into his delicate skin as he fought to put more distance between us, his drugged movements sluggish and uncoordinated.

I reached for him, aching to gather him into my arms. “Please, let me explain.”

Eli flinched away from my touch as I reached to remove the gag from his mouth.

“Don't,” he spat as soon as he was free of the gag. “Don't you touch me!”

The words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the wind from my lungs. I flinched back as if he'd slapped me, my hands falling uselessly to my sides.

“Eli, please,” I begged, desperation clawing at my insides. “It's not what you think. I never wanted to deceive you, I swear it. I was trying to protect you from all of this.”

“Protect me? By lying to me? By hiding the fact that you're a... a fucking…” He couldn’t even say the word.

The ache in my chest expanded into an all-consuming black hole. Now that he knew the truth, he hated me. He’d never again let me hold him, never let me kiss him. That part of me, the part that had attached itself so wholly and completely to him, died in that moment. I felt it shrivel up and rot with those words.

“We can’t let him go,” Warrick said carefully. “He knows everything about us, Shepherd.”

I turned to Warrick, my head spinning with the implications of his words. He was right. We couldn't risk Eli going to the authorities, exposing us all. But the thought of hurting him, of silencing him permanently, made me physically ill.

“No,” I ground out through clenched teeth.

“Shepherd…”

I turned on my brother, grabbing him by the shirt and snarling in his face, “You lay another fucking hand on him and I’ll bite it off. Do you understand me, Warrick?”

A dark threat flashed through Warrick’s eyes as he picked my hands off of him. “Never forget, Shepherd, that my duty is to the family first.”

“Am I not part of that family? Are we not brothers? If not by the blood in our veins, then by the blood we’ve shed together. Give me this. Please. After all I’ve given you…”

War’s jaw clenched. His eyes drifted past me to Eli. “Fifteen minutes,” he said and left the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

I waited until his footsteps receded down the hall before turning back to Eli. I crouched down in front of him, keeping my distance. “Eli, I know you're scared. And you have every right to be. But please, let me explain.”

“What is there to explain? I saw it all already. The bodies, the blood, the... the meat.” He wrinkled his nose, looking like he was about to be sick. “You’re just like them! Just like Father Ezekiel!”

I jerked as the words landed like a physical blow and quickly shook it off. We didn’t have time for this. When War said fifteen minutes, he meant fifteen minutes and not one second more.

“Do you want to die?” I growled. I hadn’t wanted to resort to threats, but he wasn’t leaving me any choice. If I didn’t get him to understand, my brothers would kill him, and then I’d have to kill them.

And then there would be no point in going on.

I needed him to understand. Our lives depended on it.

Eli's eyes went wide at my words, his breath hitching. “W-what?”

I hated the fear in his eyes, hated that I was the one putting it there. But I didn't have a choice. “My brothers want you dead, Eli. You've seen too much. The only way I can protect you is if you let me explain.”

He swallowed hard, his bound hands twisting in his lap. “And if I don't like your explanation? What then, Shepherd? You'll kill me to keep your secrets?”

“No!” The word burst out of me, too loud in the small room. I lowered my voice. “No. I could never hurt you, Eli. Don't you know that by now? I love you.”

A broken sob tore from his throat. “How can you say that? How can you claim to love me when you've been lying to me this whole time?”

“I never lied.” I inched closer, desperate to make him understand. “I hid things, yes, but only to protect you.”

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