Page 111 of Body and Soul

Shepherd's expression softened, his thumb brushing over my lower lip in a tender caress. “And you think that physical punishment will help? That if I hurt you, if I make you suffer, it'll somehow balance the scales?”

I nodded, tears blurring my vision. “Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that I trust you, Sir. I trust you to give me what I need, even if it's not what I want. And right now, I need to feel something other than this... this emptiness, this disconnection. I need to feel your hands on me, your control, your dominance. I need…” I swallowed. “I need to give you control over this because I can’t fucking handle it anymore.”

I stared down at my clenched hands, hot tears blurring my vision. The confession hung heavy in the air between us, the weight of my words pressing down on my chest until I could barely breathe. I felt raw, exposed, like I'd ripped open my rib cage and bared the ugliest parts of myself to the one person whose opinion mattered most.

Shepherd was silent for a long moment, his gaze heavy on the top of my bowed head. I could feel the intensity of his focus, the careful consideration he was giving my request.

“Eli, look at me,” he commanded softly.

I raised my head slowly, reluctantly meeting his gaze. His eyes, usually so warm and affectionate, were now filled with a solemn understanding that made my breath catch in my throat.

“I hear what you're saying,” he began. “And I understand the impulse to seek punishment as a way to atone for perceived wrongs. But I need you to understand something, Eli. Any punishment we engage in, any penance you serve, it won't be because I believe you're truly at fault for what happened to you.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but Shepherd silenced me with a look.

“I’m not finished,” he said firmly. “If we do this, if I agree to punish you, it will be on my terms and within the boundaries we've set together. I won't allow you to use this as a way to harm yourself or to wallow in misplaced guilt. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” I whispered, my voice rough with emotion. “I understand.”

Shepherd held my gaze for a long moment, searching my face for any hint of hesitation or doubt. Finding none, he gave a small nod, his jaw set with determination.

“Good boy,” he murmured. “Now, when we made our contract, we agreed to the use of physical punishment such as spanking, so I’m going to spank you with my bare hand, Eli, until I feel you’ve had enough or until you use your safe word. Do you remember your safe word?”

“Icarus,” I repeated quietly.

Shepherd nodded. “Very good, boy. Now, when I spank you, you're going to count each strike, and you're going to thank me for it. Do you understand?”

I nodded, my breath quickening as a shiver of anticipation raced down my spine. “Yes, Sir. I understand.”

Shepherd's gaze darkened, his pupils dilating with a hunger that made my cock twitch and start to swell. “Strip and lie over my knee,” he commanded.

I stood on shaky legs, my fingers fumbling with the buttons of my shirt as I hastened to obey. I shrugged out of the garment,letting it fall to the floor in a whisper of fabric. My jeans and boxer briefs followed, until I stood before Shepherd, naked.

His dark eyes raked over my body and I flushed as he noted my cock was hard and heavy between my legs.

“Over my knee, boy,” Shepherd commanded, his voice low and authoritative.

I complied without hesitation, draping myself across his strong thighs, my chest pressed against the rough denim of his jeans. I could feel the solid heat of his own arousal through the fabric, the unmistakable hardness of his cock pressing against my stomach. The knowledge that this was affecting him too, that he wanted me even in this moment of discipline, sent a thrill through my veins.

Shepherd's hand came down hard on my bare ass, the sharp crack of skin on skin echoing through the room. I gasped, my body jerking at the sudden sting, the heat that bloomed across my flesh.

“One,” I counted, my voice strained. “Thank you, Sir.”

Another blow, just as hard, the pain radiating out in waves. I gritted my teeth, my fingers digging into the couch cushions.

“Two. Thank you, Sir!”

Shepherd set a steady rhythm, his hand rising and falling with metronomic precision. Each strike was a bright burst of pain, a searing heat that spread across my skin and sank deep into my muscles. I counted each one, my voice growing hoarse, tears stinging my eyes.

With each blow, my cock throbbed between my legs, hard and aching, smearing pre-cum across Shepherd's jeans. The pain and the pleasure twined together, inseparable, until I was gasping and shaking, my skin slick with sweat.

“You don't have permission to cum, boy,” Shepherd reminded me, his voice rough with his own arousal. “You'll take what I give you and nothing more.”

“Yes, Sir,” I managed, the words little more than a sob. “Nine. Thank you, Sir!”

“Punishments and rewards are mine to bestow,” he continued. “Your pain and your pleasure belong to me now, boy. And I will administer each as I see fit.”

“Yes, Sir!”

---