Page 22 of Body and Soul

“Yes and no,” Shepherd replied. “We share a body, but we're distinct individuals with our own thoughts, emotions, and experiences. I'm the host, the main personality who handles most of our daily life. But the others are always there. Some are more aware of what’s happening than others. I do my best to communicate with them, so we’re all up to speed. We have a system that works, and Gavin helps, but don’t be offended if it seems like I suddenly don’t remember a conversation we’ve had or act like I don’t know you. It’s nothing personal, Eli.”

I sat back, trying to absorb this new information. It was a lot to take in. The idea of multiple personalities, of not always knowing who you were talking to...it was unsettling. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel a flicker of empathy for Shepherd.What must it be like to have your mind fractured like that? To constantly be at war with yourself?

“I... I appreciate you telling me,” I said finally, my voice coming out rougher than I intended. “I can't imagine what that must be like. To deal with that every day.”

Shepherd's lips quirked in a humorless smile. “It's not always easy,” he admitted. “But I've learned to manage it over the years. And I’ve learned it’s often best to be open about it with people. Trust is a two-way street. You’re trusting me with your safety. I want you to know that all the others in here are as invested in keeping you safe.” He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his gaze intense. “I need you to understand, Eli. If we're going to do this, if you're going to stay here... there may be times when I'm not myself. Times when another alter is in control. I'll do my best to prepare you, to let you know what to expect. But there may be surprises. Things even I can't predict.”

A shiver ran down my spine at the seriousness of his tone. At the implication that even he, with all his control and dominance, was sometimes at the mercy of his own mind.

“I understand,” I said softly.

“You also need to understand that my life works because I live by a strict set of rules. As part of that, there will be rules for you while you’re here.”

My heart clenched at the wordrules. It didn’t matter that Shepherd’s voice was calm, that his eyes were steady. Rules meant control, punishment, a leash disguised as safety. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, fighting the urge to pull away.

I looked down at my hands, studying the lines of ink etched into my skin. The tattoos were my own form of rebellion, a way to reclaim my body after the cult had tried so hard to control it. To strip me of my autonomy and make me into their perfect little soldier for God.

Shepherd’s voice softened, each word careful, as if speaking to someone wounded. “Eli, look at me.”

Reluctantly, I dragged my gaze up to meet his. His dark eyes were intense, but not unkind.

“The rules I have in place are for everyone's well-being and safety,” he said gently. “Both yours and mine. They're not about control for the sake of control. And they're certainly not about punishment.”

I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. “What... what kind of rules?”

“Basic things. A curfew to make sure you're getting enough rest. Expectations around cleanliness and respect for shared spaces. An open line of communication at all times, so we always know where the other is and that they're safe.” Shepherd paused, watching my face carefully. “Gavin has unrestricted access to the apartment, and he’ll drop by twice a day. However, you will have your own space. I expect you to keep it tidy, but other than that, you’re free to decorate it however you wish. There is also a room that’s generally kept locked and I’ll ask you to respect that since that room belongs to one of my alters and he doesn’t like for his space to be disturbed.”

I nodded slowly, processing Shepherd's words. The rules were reasonable, even gentle. But rules had always been weapons in the cult—control masquerading as care. The itch of old anxiety stirred beneath my skin.

“And what if I break one of these rules?” I asked, hating the tremor in my voice. “What happens then? Will you…” I swallowed. “Punish me?”

Shepherd's brow furrowed at my question. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he regarded me intently. “I don’t believe in punishment as a tool, Eli—not in any way meant to harm. Here, rules aren’t for control but for safety. If you make a mistake, we’ll talk, understand why, and decide togetherhow to handle it.” His voice was low and measured, each word carefully chosen. “I would never lay a hand on you in anger or with the intent to harm. That's not what this is about. This is about creating a safe, stable environment where all of us can happily live in peace. If you break a rule, we'll talk about it. Try to understand why it happened and how we can prevent it from happening again. It's about communication and growth, not punishment.”

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Relief washed over me at Shepherd's words, at the sincerity in his eyes. But beneath the relief, a tiny flicker of disappointment stirred. A traitorous curiosity flickered at the thought of Shepherd’s hands holding me steady, guiding me. For so long, my body had been the cult’s to control—could I bear to give over that power voluntarily? The thought both thrilled and terrified me.

“However,” Shepherd continued, his gaze still locked on mine, “if punishment is something you want to explore, in a safe and consensual way, that's a different conversation. But it would be entirely separate from our current arrangement. It would be part of a formalized Dominant/submissive relationship, with clear boundaries and safe words. Something we'd have to negotiate and agree upon in writing.”

My face flushed at the implication that punishment could be something Iwanted. Something I craved. I'd spent so long being told that my desires were wrong, sinful, that the idea of indulging them felt like the ultimate transgression.

“I don't know if I'm ready for that,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “The whole Dom/sub thing. It's a lot to wrap my head around.”

Shepherd nodded. “And that's perfectly fine, Eli. Perhaps today isn’t the day to discuss any of that. It’s been a long and emotional day for you already. I’d rather you settle in and find some balance first before we add any more pressure.”

I shifted in my seat, trying to ignore the way my body responded to Shepherd's words. The thought of surrendering control, of putting myself entirely in Shepherd's hands, was both terrifying and exhilarating.

“Is that...is that something you still want?” I asked hesitantly. “To be my Dom, I mean. Like you mentioned before.”

Shepherd’s dark eyes sparkled. “Oh, yes. There’s something about you that calls to that side of me. But it's not a decision to be made lightly, and I have high expectations of my submissives. Even in the best of circumstances, I would want you to get more of a feel for who I am, how I operate, and to be more stable in your personal life before I took you on as a submissive. Our personalities and interests should align, and there should be a strong foundation of trust. That comes only with time. Right now, let’s just focus on making you comfortable, Eli. We can explore the rest if and when you’re ready.”

I nodded, both relieved and a little disappointed. Part of me wanted to dive headfirst into this new world Shepherd was offering, to throw caution to the wind and surrender myself completely. But the rational part of my brain knew he was right. I was in no state to be making life-altering decisions. I needed time to process everything that had happened, to find my footing in this strange new reality.

“Thank you,” I said softly, meeting Shepherd's gaze. “For everything.”

Shepherd's lips curved into a smile, warm and genuine. “You're welcome, Eli. I'm glad I can help.” He glanced at his watch. “Gavin should be here soon with some groceries and supplies. Why don't I show you to your room so you can get settled in?”

As if on cue, the sound of a key turning in the lock echoed through the apartment. I tensed instinctively, my eyes darting to the door. Shepherd rose smoothly to his feet.

“It's just Gavin,” he assured me, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder as he passed. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down my spine.

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