Page 169 of Body and Soul

“I know,” he said simply, his hand rubbing slow, steady circles on my back. “And he deserved it. Every second of it.”

I shook my head, nausea still churning in my gut. “I fucking enjoyed it. I wanted to make him hurt. I wanted him to suffer like he made me suffer. Like he made all of us suffer.” The words came faster, tumbling out of me like a dam had burst. “I'm no better than him. He turned me into a fucking monster, just like him.”

“No.” He gripped my shoulder and turned me around to face him. He grasped my chin, forcing me to meet his intent gaze. “He destroyed countless lives. He deserved far worse than what you gave him. You're not a monster for giving him a taste of his own poison.”

“Then what am I?” I searched his face, hoping he had the answer. He was so smart, so strong. He’d never break down like this.

Shepherd’s gaze softened, and he cupped my cheek. “Human,” he answered quietly. “It makes you human.”

I stared at Shepherd, his words slowly sinking into my scrambled brain. Human. The idea was almost laughable. I sure as shit didn't feel human right now. I felt... hollowed out. Raw and exposed, like someone had flayed me open and left me bleeding.

But as I looked into Shepherd's eyes, those dark, steady eyes that had always seen me, even at my worst, I felt something loosen in my chest. A painful knot that I'd been carrying for so damn long, I didn't know how to breathe without it.

“It's over,” I whispered, half to myself.

Shepherd's thumb brushed over my cheekbone, his touch achingly gentle. “Yeah, Eli. It's over. You did it. You faced that bastard and you won.”

A choked, ugly sound that might have been a laugh or a sob tore out of my throat. I fisted my hands in Shepherd's shirt, needing something solid to hold on to as the reality came crashing in.

Ezekiel was dead. I'd killed him with my own two hands. I'd watched the life drain out of his eyes, felt his pulse stutter and fail beneath my fingers. It was a heady, terrifying rush, knowing I had that kind of power, that I was capable of that kind of brutal violence.

But even as part of me recoiled from it, another part, the part that had been forged in blood and suffering, understood that it was necessary. Just another part of me, just as Keres was a part of him.

I let out a shuddering breath, leaning into Shepherd's solid warmth. His arms came around me, pulling me in close and tight. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of him. It was the smell of safety, of home.

We stood like that for a long moment, just holding each other in the dark. The night was quiet now, the screams and sobs that had been echoing in my head finally fading into silence. I focused on the steady thump of Shepherd's heart against my cheek, the rise and fall of his chest with each breath.

Slowly, the shaking in my limbs eased, the roaring in my ears quieted. Exhaustion settled over me like a heavy blanket, weighing down my bones. I felt wrung out, scraped raw... butalso strangely light. Like I'd finally set down a burden I'd been carrying for far too long.

I pulled back just enough to look up at Shepherd. In the pale moonlight, his face was all sharp angles and deep shadows, but his eyes... his eyes were soft as they met mine.

“Thank you,” I rasped, my voice still raw. “For being here.”

Shepherd's hand came up, his thumb brushing feather-light over the puffy, tender skin beneath my eyes. “I'll always be here, Eli. Always. I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said and buried my face against his chest again. “All of you in there.”

Shepherd chuckled,, and it was the best sound I’d heard all night. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Eli,” Shepherd called, “Comehere. I have something for you.”

I abandoned my place at the kitchen sink and went to the bedroom. After shutting the door behind me, I knelt at his feet.

It’d been two months since Dani and Noah had moved in, bringing a lot of change to our lives and our routines along the way. It disappointed me sometimes that we couldn’t always cuddle on the couch with his cock in my mouth anymore every day, or that I couldn’t kneel everywhere, but the bedroom was always a safe space. We’d made it a rule.

Shepherd slid my fingers through my hair and I leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering half-closed. “You’ve been so amazing, Eli. I’m so incredibly proud to have you as mine.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I know you’re excited about our night at The Playground tonight, but before we go, there was something important I wanted to ask you.”

Shepherd rose and opened the closet. My eyes widened when I saw him bring out a flat black box. He sat down in front of me and carefully slid off the lid before tipping the box so I could see what was inside, even though I already knew.

Nestled inside on a bed of black velvet was a black leather collar with a metal O-ring in the front. It was understated, masculine, and perfect, exactly the sort of collar I would expect Sir to choose for me.

“Elias Baker,” he began. “This collar is a symbol of my commitment to you, of the bond we share. By accepting it, you're giving yourself to me—your trust, your submission, your devotion. And in return, I give you my protection, my guidance, and my unwavering love. This collar represents not only our bond, but my promise to you, to always strive to be worthy of your submission and of your love. Eli, will you accept this collar and all that it represents?”

My chin quivered and my eyes watered. What he’d just said was the equivalent of a marriage proposal, as far as I was concerned. Maybe even more meaningful. I swallowed the emotion making my throat thick. “Yes, Sir,” I said. “It would be my honor to wear your collar.”

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