Page 117 of Body and Soul

One corner of Azreal's mouth quirked up. “I think you'd be surprised by a lot of the stories in the Bible.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” I grabbed my own container of garlic chicken and popped it open.

Azreal set down his spoon, his brow furrowing in thought. “There's the one about Jael. She was this woman who lured anenemy general into her tent, let him think he was going to get some, then drove a tent spike right through his skull.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded slowly. “Seriously. It’s in Judges.”

Damn. I'd never heard that one before. I shoveled a forkful of garlic chicken into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Maybe there was more to the Bible than all that turn the other cheek bullshit.

“So like, is that what you're into? Badass chicks who take out the bad guys?” I asked around my mouthful of food.

His lips twitched, almost like he wanted to smile. “I'm into justice. However it has to happen.”

I set my food down, wiping my hands on my thighs. “Is that why you go to church? For the justice?”

“No, I go for the music,” he said, deadpan.

I raised my eyebrows. “You mean like the hymns?”

“Hymns. Gregorian chants. Requiems. There's something about it that just...” He shook his head, like he couldn't quite find the words. “It clears my head. Helps me focus on what matters. Like you and your drawings and Shepherd and his…” He waved a hand. “Sex…things.”

I almost smiled at the way he said the last part, but I somehow managed to keep a straight face. I cleared my throat. “Everybody's got their thing.”

Azreal grunted in agreement, taking another sip of soup. We lapsed into silence for a minute, him drinking his soup while I picked at my garlic chicken.

It was weird hanging out with Azreal. He’d nearly choked me out last time, and now here we were, talking Bible stories over Chinese takeout like it was nothing. But something about him seemed... more human than before.

I glanced at the clock on the microwave. If he was serious about going to church, he'd have to leave soon. “So,” I said,breaking the quiet. “This church thing. How come this is the first time you’ve decided to go?”

Azreal set down his empty soup bowl with a soft clink. “It's not always possible for me to... be present.”

Right. Because he was always busy protecting Dex inside their system.

I nodded, chewing on my lip. “That's gotta be rough, man. Not being able to do your own thing whenever you want.”

Azreal shrugged one shoulder, the motion stiff. “It is what it is. My purpose is to protect Dex. Everything else is secondary.”

There was something about the way he said it, so fucking matter-of-fact, that made my chest ache. I wondered what it must be like to have your whole existence revolve around keeping one person safe. To never get to live for yourself.

I set my food down and took a step closer to him, slowly, like I was approaching a skittish dog. “But what about what you want, Az? Don't you ever just wanna say 'fuck it' and do your own thing?”

His eyes narrowed at the nickname, but he didn't correct me. “What I want is irrelevant.”

“Bullshit,” I said, surprising myself with my own vehemence. “You're a person too, you know. You've got needs.”

“I'm not a person. I'm an alter in a system. My purpose is my only reason for existing.”

“Still. You're real, aren't you? As real as Dex or Shepherd or any of them?” I searched his face, looking for some kind of tell. “Seems to me like you should get a say in how you spend your time, too. I get the feeling Dex wouldn’t mind sleeping in one or two Sundays a month so you could get to church.”

Azreal stared at me for a long moment, head tilting to one side as if he’d never even considered the notion.

His jaw worked like he was chewing on my words, tasting them to see if they had any flavor. Finally, he spoke, his voicelow and rough. “I…have to go soon. But if you wanted to do some extra tidying up…I’m sure that would…please Shepherd.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Are you okay with me staying in your space when you’re not here?” I didn’t voice it, but he had to know that meant he was trusting me. Azreal and trust went together about as well as oil and water.

“I don't make a habit of leaving near-strangers unattended in my home,” he said finally, his voice flat. “But Dex trusts you, so I will extend that trust. For now.”

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