Page 93 of Five Things I Love About You

It’s dark by the time Sophie arrives, and I’m already a glass of wine down. I’m curled into the corner of Kirstie’s enormous velvet sofa, legs tucked beneath me, candles flickering in all corners of the room.

Sophie wafts in, envelops me in a hug and I feel tears threaten once more.

‘You, young lady, need to tell us everything,’ she says. ‘But first, please can we order some food before I pass out from hunger?’

We busy ourselves with ordering a Thai takeaway from my favourite place round the corner, then settle back onto the sofa. Kirstie has put on a chilled playlist, and even though I can’t get back into my own house yet, it’s so comforting and so familiar to me, that it really does feel like I’ve come home, and that my six months in Newcastle were nothing more than a dream.

‘So, how are you feeling?’ Sophie says, her head tipped to one side, tendrils of auburn hair trailing across her face.

‘I’m okay,’ I say. ‘Actually I’m better than that. I’m great.’

‘And how do you feel about… you know. Everything?’

‘She means,’ Kirstie says, leaning forward, ‘have you worked out what you’re going to do about being in love with Matt.’

‘I do not mean that!’ Sophie says indignantly.

‘It’s okay,’ I say, smiling. ‘I mean, it is what you both want to ask me, right?’

A slow smile spreads across Sophie’s face and she dips her head in acknowledgement. ‘Fine, okay. It is. I was just going to build up to it a bit more subtly.’ She flashes Kirstie a look, but Kirstie just sticks her tongue out and turns back to me.

‘So, Jay wasn’t the one, but Matt was. I guess that means your dreams didn’t mean anything after all.’

I sigh, ignoring the jibe I know is aimed at Sophie. ‘I really, really thought they did. Well, obviously I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have gone halfway across the country trying to find him.’

‘I still think the dreams meant something,’ Sophie says thoughtfully, and we both ignore Kirstie’s eye roll.

‘What do you mean?’ I say.

‘Okay. Firstly, you went there for a fresh start, to reassess your life. Not just for a man. And you definitely got something out of that. But I also think that, while the man in your dreams may not have been exactly the man you were looking for, the whole thing did actually help you find the man of your dreams anyway.’ She holds her hands out, palms up, as though each one represents each man.

‘Even if that made any sense at all that’s complete bollocks,’ Kirstie says, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. ‘But I do think we need to talk about what you’re going to do about the delectable Matt.’

‘Nothing,’ I say, shrugging. ‘What can I do?’

‘You could admit that you’re in love with him for a start.’ Kirstie has a wicked glint in her eye.

‘I’m not sure about love, not yet. But yes, okay, I’m willing to admit I do have feelings for him.’

‘Aha, I knew it!’ Kirstie says triumphantly. ‘What did I say all along?’

‘Yes, I know. But also, what’s your point? I mean, he’s gone.’

‘So, you’re just going to give up?’

‘I don’t see that I have any choice. He’s moved to Canada for God’s sake.’

‘So go to Canada.’

This time it’s my turn to roll my eyes. ‘Even if I did have the money and time to jump on a plane to Toronto, Matt left without telling me where he was going. If he’d wanted to stay in touch, he’d have given me his address, wouldn’t he?’

‘You’ve got his phone number. Just ring him.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You won’t, you mean.’

‘Okay, I won’t. I’m not going to go chasing halfway across the world and beg him to love me. This isn’t a bloody Richard Curtis film, this is real life.’

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