Page 54 of Five Things I Love About You

‘Always,’ he says, then Kirstie ends the call.

‘Sorry about her, she’s a bit much sometimes,’ I say.

‘It’s fine, she’s lovely.’

‘Well, anyway. Shall we get back to you letting me win this game?’

‘You’re on.’

I’m about to slip my phone back in my pocket when it buzzes again. I glance down and there’s a message from Kirstie:

Kirstie

Did you hear that? He said ALWAYS! Oh God he LURVES you! K x!

I ignore her, slip the phone back in my pocket, and turn back to the game.

* * *

I won the third game and Matt pretended to sulk for about ten minutes. But by then we’d finished our second bottle of wine, and decided we should probably eat something because we still had to wobble our bikes home.

Now we’ve cleared our plates, sobered up a little and have decided to have one more drink for the road.

‘I’ve had a lovely afternoon,’ Matt says, the ice in his whisky clinking against the edge of the glass.

‘Me too.’ I watch as condensation drips down the outside of my gin and tonic onto the table. I run my fingers through my hair which feels like straw, and sigh.

‘What’s wrong?’ Matt says. He looks worried.

I shake my head. ‘I dunno. I just feel…’

‘A bit drunk?’

A slow smile creeps across my face. ‘Yes, a bit.’ I rub my hand across my face. ‘But also a bit sad.’

‘Why sad?’

I stare into my glass and sigh.

‘Talking to Kirstie just reminded me of everything I’ve left behind.’

‘Oh.’

‘I’m sorry. I really have loved today. And I’m so grateful for your friendship. It’s just, I’ve lived in London all my life, it’s where my friends are, where my kids grew up. Where I got married and divorced.’

‘It’s a lot.’

I look up at him and nod. ‘It is.’

He runs his finger round the rim of his glass. He looks thoughtful. ‘When Celeste left, I thought about moving somewhere else. Going to a new city, a new country, even, and starting again. I was even offered a job in Canada. I was seriously tempted. Of course my children are younger than yours, so back then, I couldn’t do it. But I understand why you wanted to shake things up a bit.’

‘But I’ve been divorced more than twelve years. Nick and I get on fine; there’s no bitterness or jealousy there. I’m genuinely pleased for him that he’s happy again. So what’s my excuse for leaving everything behind to chase a random man across the country? A mid-life crisis?’

Matt looks at me and I can’t read the expression on his face. ‘I don’t think you’re having a mid-life crisis. I think you just want to be happy.’

I nod but say nothing. The truth is, this search I’ve been on for Jay is beginning to feel increasingly like a wild goose chase, and I’ve been having second thoughts. The very fact that I haven’t been actively looking for him while I’ve been out and about with Matt tells me all I need to know about my dedication to the cause.

The dog walking, the skydiving, the TV appearance, the beach visit – none of it has led me any closer to finding him.

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