Page 91 of The World Outside My Window

‘Jim?’ Cherry’s voice is smaller, cowed, and Laura wants to tell her not to be, to tell him what she really thinks of him. But she can see this is as much of a shock to Cherry as it is to her. More, probably, as she didn’t know anything was wrong at all.

Jim steps towards Cherry and Evie and they both flinch and take a step away from him. ‘Can you take Evie inside? Please?’

Cherry looks at him, her face like stone, then clearly decides her daughter is more important, and turns, guiding Evie inside. She throws a look over her shoulder before she steps into the house and Laura doesn’t think she’s ever seen anyone look as hurt, as broken, as Cherry does right now. Except herself, in the mirror.

Jim turns back to the three people who remain. ‘I—’ he starts.

‘What thefuckhave you done?’ Debbie’s words fly out like bullets and Jim physically recoils from them. ‘How the hell have you got away with this… this charade for so bloody long? I knew there was something wrong between you and Laura, but I never expectedthis.’

‘Debbie.’ Laura calls her friend’s name and she looks round. ‘Please. Don’t.’

Debbie pauses, then nods in understanding. Jim seizes his opportunity to speak.

‘Laura, I think we need to get you somewhere inside, to talk. It’s no good for you being out here.’

‘I’m fine,’ Laura says, stepping away from him. ‘It’s not being out here that’s the problem.’ For the first time in months, she actually forgot to be afraid of the outside world. ‘But we do need to talk.’

Jim nods, his face revealing nothing. ‘We can’t go in there—’ he indicates the house into which his wife and daughter just disappeared ‘—but there’s a pub round the corner that’s usually quiet at this time of the evening. Shall we go there?’

‘Yes, fine.’

‘Do you want us to come with you?’ Ben says. Jim whips his head round as if he’s only just noticed his friend’s presence.

‘What areyoudoing here?’ Jim says.

‘He’s helping me,’ Laura says. ‘I asked him to come.’

Jim studies them both as though trying to work something out, then seems to give up. Laura shakes her head and speaks to Ben. ‘No, thank you. I think this is something me and Jim need to do alone.’

* * *

Jim was right, the pub is quiet when they enter. It feels like a good place to be. Neutral territory.

As they seek out a table, Laura takes in the bar, the rows of bottles lined up behind it, the handful of people at tables scattered throughout the front room, and wonders how long it’s been since she was last in a place like this. She’s amazed at how calm she feels, as if everything else that has happened has stripped away her defences and made her realise there are bigger things to worry about than simply setting foot outside her home.

While Jim goes to the bar, she thinks about what’s just happened, and she’s in absolutely no doubt that everything Evie told her is completely true. It explains everything. It explains Jim’s overprotectiveness and the fact he never wanted to go anywhere with her. It explains the lack of holidays, the fact she never really knew where he worked and was never allowed to ring him but had to wait for him to call her. It explains why she never met any of his colleagues, and hardly any of his friends. Did he even lie about his family being dead, so he didn’t have to introduce her to them? Could that explain the birthday card she’d found? Could he really have been that callous?

Her stomach drops to her feet as the true scale of his deception hits her.

‘I got you a double,’ Jim says, putting a glass of gin and tonic in front of her and sitting opposite her with his pint.

She doesn’t thank him, but waits for him to start explaining himself. He looks old in this light, the lines in his face deeper than the last time she saw him, his hair more grey, his chin speckled with unfamiliar stubble even though it’s only been a few weeks. He looks as if he’s lost weight too. But she doesn’t comment on any of that, just waits for him to speak.

‘So,' he starts, ‘you’re out of the house. How have you done it?’

She takes a gulp of her drink and keeps her fingers gripped round the glass, then shakes her head. ‘No, sorry, Jim. You don’t get to ask me anything. Not yet. Not until you’ve told me exactly what’s going on here. I think I deserve that at least, don’t I?’

He pauses, surprised at how forthright she was in her reply. Then he lowers his head and says, ‘You’re right.’

Then, he begins.

30

NOW – 24 OCTOBER 1992

Jim

From the moment I set eyes on Laura I knew I was in trouble.

---