Page 73 of The World Outside My Window

‘It was probably just Carol from next door.’ He held up a casserole dish I hadn’t noticed in his hands. ‘I found it on the doorstep with a note.’

I sat up and took the note from him.

Dear Jim and Laura.

Welcome to the neighbourhood. We hope you’ll be very happy here. Please enjoy this shepherd’s pie.

From Carol and Arthur at no 1

‘Oh.’ Shame washed over me.

Jim shuffled onto the sofa beside me and pressed his hand against my cheek. ‘What are we going to do with you, love?’ he said, his voice soft. ‘Are you going to be all right with me gone tomorrow?’

I nodded, determined to show him I was trying. That he hadn’t made a mistake marrying me, staying with me.

‘I’ll be fine. I just panicked, that’s all.’

He looked at me for a moment longer, then stood. ‘Right, well, I’d better get this shopping in from the car otherwise you’ll have nothing to eat all week.’

I followed him into the hallway and waited while he unloaded the bags, then helped unpack the shopping in the kitchen. As we put food away in the freezer and filled the cupboards with tins, I noticed there wasn’t much booze.

‘Did you get the wine and vodka I put on the list?’ I said, trying not to make myself sound too desperate.

‘I got you a couple of bottles of Chardonnay,’ Jim said curtly.

‘Is that all?’

‘Yes, Laura, that is all.’ I was aware that he was no longer unpacking the shopping and was watching me instead. ‘You have to stop drinking as much. It’s going to kill you.’

‘I don’t drink that much.’ My face flamed. Jim knew as well as I did that was a bare-faced lie. He said nothing more about it, just gave a nod and turned back to the bags, but I knew he was furious.

For the rest of that evening, as well as the last couple of days before he went back to work, there was a brittleness to Jim that I’d never seen before. The dark circles beneath his eyes suggested he wasn’t sleeping, and for the first time ever I got the feeling that my husband would rather be anywhere other than at home with me.

25

NOW – 14 OCTOBER 1992

‘Thank you so much for coming round, I’m not sure I could have done this on my own,’ Laura says, smiling nervously.

Ben smiles back. ‘It’s a pleasure.’

The police rang that morning and said they had an update, and could they come round this afternoon. Even though she begged them to tell her over the phone, they insisted on doing it their way, which means she’s been in a heightened state of anxiety all morning. Has Jim’s body been found? Have they found him alive, but with amnesia? Or is it something less dramatic than that? She can’t stand the suspense. So when Ben called to see if she needed anything, she asked if he'd come round and stay with her while she waited for the police to arrive. She was surprised by how much she hoped he’d say yes.

‘Aren’t you meant to be working?’ Laura says now, sliding a draughts piece across the board.

‘Yep. But there have to be some perks to being your own boss.’ Ben hops his piece across three of Laura’s and gathers them all up sheepishly. ‘Sorry.’

She studies the board for a moment. She suggested a game of draughts to distract her from the worry of waiting for the police, but in fact she’s finding Ben himself quite a distraction – which is probably why she’s losing so badly.

‘I surrender,’ she says, pushing the board away in defeat.

‘Oh—’ Ben starts, but before he can get any further there’s a knock at the door. Laura freezes.

‘Do you want me to answer it?’ Ben stands.

‘Do you mind?’

Ben strides to the front door and Laura listens to the mumbled introductions, then the front door closes, there are footsteps along the hallway and three people appear in her kitchen – Ben, and two male police officers. She recognises one from before – PC Compton, she thinks he is called – but the other is older and more senior-looking. She wonders whether this is a bad sign. Her legs feel odd and she stays seated.

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