Page 8 of The World Outside My Window

He looked down at the table briefly, then back up to meet my gaze. ‘They want me to start working in Leeds a few days a week.’

‘Oh.’ I hated the thought of him being away so often, but it was such early days between us I didn’t have the right to feel upset about it.

But he hadn’t finished. I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took a deep breath.

‘Laura, I know we’ve only known each other a couple of weeks but, honestly, I feel as though I’ve known you for years and I hate the thought of us being apart when I’m home, in London. I—’ he met my gaze now ‘—I want to be with you. All the time.’

I stared at him, trying to read his eyes, my heart skittering around like a balloon in the wind. ‘What are you saying?’

‘I want us to move in together.’

Was he being serious? Debbie’s words jolted through my mind as I considered what he was saying – her warning for me to be careful, not to do anything out of character. But then I thought about the time I’d spent with Jim, how much fun we had, how happy he made me feel. How safe, and secure, in such a short space of time, and I knew I didn’t want to give that up.

‘I…’ I hesitated, watching the shadows dance across his face, highlighting the curve of his cheekbones.

‘I know it’s really soon. I don’t expect you to give me an answer straight away. But I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, and I just want to spend as much time as I can with you.’ He looked back down at his hands on the tablecloth and my heart surged with love.Love, already?I heard Debbie’s voice whisper in my ear, but I pushed her away. She didn’t understand what it was like when Jim and I were together. This was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.

‘Yes,’ I said, my voice hoarse. I coughed and said it again, louder, as Jim looked up at me, his eyes wide. ‘Yes, I’d love to move in with you.’

‘Really? Do you mean it?’ His voice was high, excited, and I loved that I made him feel that way.

‘I do, Jim. I agree it’s soon, but I also agree it feels right.’ I shrugged. ‘I say bugger it, let’s do it.’

‘Oh my God, Laura, I can’t believe this.’ His grip on my fingers tightened and I smiled as happiness flooded through me. So this was what it felt like to be utterly adored. I knew now that I’d never felt it before, and it felt amazing.

* * *

Two weeks later Jim and I got the keys to our own flat. I’d given a month’s notice on the flat I shared with virtual strangers in Kentish Town, Jim had done the same on his soulless flat in Hammersmith, and we’d pooled our resources to rent a gorgeous two-bedroom flat in a street of Victorian terraces in East Finchley. It wasn’t an area I knew well but Jim had been keen.

‘This is a million miles better than my old place,’ Jim said as we lugged the last of the boxes up the stairs.

‘Definitely better than mine too.’ I laughed as I almost dropped my box of books in the hallway.

The minute I’d seen this apartment I knew it was perfect. The high ceilings, the small fireplaces in each room, the wide, expansive windows looking out onto the street: I could instantly see myself making this place feel like home. And judging from the number of boxes I’d already moved in, it wouldn’t take long to fill it up with all the things I loved. Jim, on the other hand, had barely anything, and I couldn’t help wondering where all his ‘stuff’ was. The one time I’d stayed over at his flat it had felt cold and impersonal – almost clinical, the walls painted magnolia, the prints on the wall generic scenes of boats and fields and cottages, and barely anything personal anywhere.

‘Where are all your things?’ I’d asked.

He’d shrugged. ‘I’m not here a lot, I don’t have much,’ he’d said.

‘But it’s so – impersonal,’ I’d replied, running my finger along the mantelpiece, which had been empty apart from a single framed black and white photo of a couple. I’d picked the photo up, but before I could ask Jim anything about it he’d plucked it from my hands and put it back where it had come from.

‘Sorry,’ he’d said. ‘I don’t like anyone touching that photo. It’s the only one I have of my mum and dad together before they died and – well, I can’t risk anything happening to it.’

‘Oh. Sorry.’ I’d felt chastened.

‘No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Lola,’ he’d said almost instantly, using the new nickname he’d decided suited me better than Laura. ‘Of course you’re welcome to touch whatever you like in this flat. After all, you’re not just anyone, are you?’

I’d been about to ask him what had happened to his parents, realising it was odd that there was still so much I didn’t know about him when we were moving in together, but he’d changed the subject and I hadn’t found the right time since. I wasn’t worried, we had plenty of time to get to know each other now we were going to be living together.

‘Right, shall we christen the bed?’ Jim said, grinning like a naughty schoolboy the minute the door closed behind us. And before I could say another word, or tell him I wanted to unpack, or do anything else at all, he’d dragged me into our brand-new bedroom and made love to me there and then on a mattress covered in nothing but a single sheet.

5

NOW – 18-19 SEPTEMBER 1992

Just before five o’clock, Laura’s doorbell rings. Normally this would be enough to send her running for the safety of her bedroom, but today is different. Because today Debbie has come to help her. She scurries to the door, closes her eyes while she opens it, and lets her best friend enter. It’s not until the door is closed again and Laura is wrapped in a hug that she dares open her eyes and start to relax.

‘Oh, darling girl,’ Debbie says. She’s a good few inches taller than Laura and Laura finds it comforting to feel the press of her friend’s cheek on top of her head. They stand there for a few seconds before Debbie pulls away. ‘Come on, let’s get away from this door.’

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