Page 59 of The World Outside My Window

‘The bin had fallen over, there was rubbish scattered all over the garden,’ he said, heading to the sink to wash his hands. ‘It was probably a fox, although they don’t usually come out during the day.’ He lathered soap all over his hands. ‘Maybe it was just the wind. Anyway, it’s all sorted now, the rubbish is all back in the bin, and there are no terrifying creatures waiting to murder us all.’

I froze. I knew it was a joke to Jim, but it wasn’t to me. He must have seen the look on my face because he quickly dried his hands and wrapped his arms around me. ‘Sorry, Lola, I wasn’t thinking. There’s nothing there. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about.’

We stood for a few minutes, then I pulled away.

‘I’ll make a start on dinner.’ I turned toward the freezer.

‘Thanks, love. I’m just going to get changed out of my work clothes, then why don’t you go and have a soak in the bath, let me finish off here?’

I turned to look at him. ‘Are you sure?’ There was nothing I wanted more right now than to have a leisurely soak. Even thinking about it, I could feel the tension dropping from my shoulders.

‘Positive. Give me a sec.’

He disappeared into the bedroom and I heated the oven up and tipped chips and chicken Kievs onto a baking tray. It wasn’t exactly high-end cooking but it was quick and easy and it was more nutrition than I’d managed for the rest of the week.

‘I’ve started the bath running for you, put loads of bubbles in just the way you like it,’ he said, reappearing. He’d dumped his suit and was dressed in a green polo shirt and straight-legged jeans, similar to the way my dad used to dress.

‘Thanks, Jim. These need about twenty-five minutes and—’

‘I’m quite capable of cooking some food,’ he said. ‘Now go!’

I didn’t need telling twice.

As I lay back in the bath, letting the scalding water warm my skin and soothe my aching muscles, I closed my eyes. For the first time since Jim had left four days before, I wasn’t a ball of tension, thrumming with fear. Just knowing Jim was here, and I was safe, made me relax. I felt a wave of shame wash over me. I knew this was bad for me, but what must it be like for Jim, coming home to me? Did he ever wish he could stay where he was and not come home at all? I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

Distantly I heard the phone ring, but I felt so sleepy I barely registered it. My head was swimming with heat, so I woozily climbed out, dried off and pulled on the clothes I’d been wearing before. I padded back through to the kitchen, where Jim was pulling something out of the oven.

‘Ah, perfect timing,’ he said, smiling as I entered.

‘Sorry it’s not something better,’ I said, reaching for a couple of plates.

‘Don’t be daft, it’s fine.’ He divided the chips between the plates, placed a Kiev on each, and drained the peas, steam rising up round his face.

‘Bon appetit!’ he said, placing it down on the table with a flourish and sitting down beside me.

‘Thanks, Jim. Seriously. I appreciate it.’

‘It’s no problem, love, really. You seemed like you needed it.’

‘I really did.’ I longed to tell him exactly how terrified I’d been this week, how I’d been so on edge that every little noise had made me almost jump out of my skin, but I didn’t want to worry him any more than I already had. Instead, I asked him about his week.

‘Oh, you know. The usual. It’s stressful but not something you’d want to hear about.’

‘I wouldn’t mind. You never tell me anything about your job. I don’t even know exactlywhereyou work.’

He shoved a forkful of peas into his mouth and grimaced. I waited while he chewed, then he smiled.

‘You know what I do. But I don’t want to waste the precious time when I’m with you talking about work, or the people I work with. It’s fine. It’s a job, it’s busy and it pays the bills.’ He shrugged.

I felt a pang of disappointment that he’d done what he always did when I asked about anything outside the life he had with me, and refused to open up. I assumed it was because he genuinely didn’t want to talk about it when he was away from there, which I knew I should feel pleased about – that he wanted to focus on us. But a small part of me still longed to be thrown just a few nuggets of information, a few details I could treasure in his absence that would put some flesh on the bones of his working life. After all, it took him away for 50 per cent of our marriage.

‘Oh, who was on the phone?’

‘The phone?’ He frowned.

‘Just now, when I was in the bath. I heard it ring.’ My heart stopped. ‘It wasn’t another silent call, was it…?’ We hadn’t had one since Jim had changed the number but it didn’t mean I didn’t think about it.

‘Oh no, sorry, I forgot it even rang. It was just Debbie.’

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