Page 21 of The World Outside My Window

She looks up and sees all three pairs of eyes watching her, waiting for her to answer a question she hasn’t heard.

‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘I was asking whether you might tell us what’s happened,’ PC Compton says, smiling kindly. ‘When exactly did your husband go missing?’

She tells them everything. About how Jim works away four days a week, her agoraphobia, and why she’s so worried about his disappearance.

‘I’m scared something terrible has happened to him,’ she says finally, her throat dry and scratchy from more talking than she’s done in a long time. ‘He wouldn’t just disappear and leave me all on my own. He just wouldn’t.’

DS McDonald leans forward. Laura can see a few notes scrawled on his pad but can’t make them out. ‘We’ll look into it, I promise,’ he says. ‘Would you be able to give us an up-to-date photograph of your husband?’

‘Oh, yes, of course.’ Laura jumps up and pulls open a drawer. ‘I’m not sure we have very many but – ah, yes, here you go.’ She hands over a photo of Jim on their wedding day two years previously and it strikes her how odd it is that they hardly have any photographs of each other apart from these.

‘Thank you. I think we have everything we need for now.’ He glances at his colleague, who gives a nod, then they both stand. Laura follows suit.

‘We’ll let you know if we have any news, Mrs Parks, but please get in touch if you hear from your husband in the meantime, won’t you?’

Laura is so grateful they haven’t dismissed her fears she feels as though her throat is blocked. ‘Of course. Thank you.’

When they’ve gone, Laura is so exhausted she might as well have run a marathon. But there’s also a sense of underlying pride. She did it. She let people in, and she held a proper conversation with them.

‘You did brilliantly,’ Debbie says, wrapping her in a hug.

‘Thank you,’ she whispers.

‘Mu-u-u-u-um!’ a call comes from the living room. ‘I’m hungry!’

And while Laura and Debbie fuss around making some dinner for the kids, Laura realises that today is the first time she’s truly believed she might be able to finally overcome the agoraphobia that’s been crippling her for so long. And she might just be able to find Jim.

10

THEN – AUGUST 1987

London was busy tonight. Well, London was always busy but this evening it felt packed to the rafters, as though you couldn’t squeeze another single body into it even if you tried. There were people everywhere: shoehorned into Tube trains, funnelling along underground corridors, spilling out of pubs and restaurants and theatres. This was the sort of London I loved. Bustling, vibrant, exciting London, and the London I didn’t get to see anywhere near as much as I liked these days. Best of all, I was here with Jim, ready for a night out.

It was rare that we came into town together. Usually we stuck to our local area of north London because Jim claimed it was so much nicer to be able to walk home rather than having to bother with overloaded buses and Tubes or fork out for a taxi. I went along with it, mostly, even though I’d love to come into the city centre more often, and couldn’t help wondering sometimes why, with the money he earned, Jim was so against paying for a taxi when he was so generous with everything else. But here we were tonight, just the two of us, on our way to seeStarlight Expressfor Jim’s birthday, and I couldn’t wait.

We strolled hand in hand, dodging other pedestrians as they walked towards us or swarmed around us. The sun was dropping below the buildings, leaving a residual warmth clinging to the pavements and buildings, and a wave of happiness washed over me.

‘I wish we did this more often,’ I said, leaning my head on Jim’s shoulder. I felt his head turn towards me and I looked up at him.

‘We go out all the time,’ he said, his face furrowed.

‘I know. But we never come into town. I love it on a night like this.’

He was silent for a moment and I wondered what was going through his mind. Did he think I was being too demanding? I was about to say something else when he gave a tight smile. ‘I thought you liked it where we live?’

‘I do.’ I pulled away and looked at him, confused. ‘I love it. I just love this too. Always have.’

He nodded curtly. ‘Fair enough. I just thought because you work in central London you’d have had enough of it on your days off. Never mind.’

I could feel annoyance pulsing off him in waves so I decided not to push it and just enjoy the evening we had planned.

I’d bought these theatre tickets for Jim’s birthday, and when I’d presented him with them he hadn’t seemed as pleased as I’d hoped he would.

‘What’s the matter?’ I’d said as he’d studied them, his head down. ‘Have you already seen it?’

He hadn’t looked up for a minute, and when he had he’d been smiling, although I hadn’t been sure it reached his eyes. ‘No.’ He’d cleared his throat. ‘No, I haven’t. These are great, thank you.’

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