Page 61 of The World Outside My Window

What would people think if they could see me now, before midday, lying on the floor, downing vodka like water? I sat up slowly, trying to stop my head spinning, then stood, and walked carefully through to the kitchen. I should at least get a glass. As I entered the kitchen I saw the phone handset on the table. I picked it up and returned it to its cradle, and was just reaching for a glass when it rang, making me jump so much I almost dropped the bottle on the kitchen floor.

I stared at the phone for a few seconds. Should I answer it? What if it was the silent caller again, back to taunt me?

But what if it was Jim, or Debbie? Would they panic if I didn’t answer? They both knew I didn’t go anywhere. I snatched the receiver up and held it to my ear.

‘Hello?’

‘It’s me.’

Debbie. My body sagged with relief and I sat down before I collapsed.

‘Thank God,’ I whispered, my throat raw.

‘What’s the matter? What’s happened?’

‘Nothing. Nothing, I’m fine.’ My voice was stronger now. I wanted her to hear I was okay, but it obviously hadn’t worked.

‘What’s going on, Lau? Why do you sound weird?’

‘I don’t sound weird. I was just glad it was you and not someone scary.’ I took a swig from my bottle and slammed it down on the table. It took me a few seconds to realise Debbie hadn’t replied. ‘Are you still there?’

‘I am.’

‘Good.’

‘Laura, are you drunk?’

‘What? Of course not! I’m just pleased to hear from you.’ I tried to enunciate my words very clearly.

‘You are, aren’t you? Your words are all slurry.’ She sighed heavily. ‘Oh, Lau, what’s happened? Why are you drinking at this time of the day?’

I knew there was no use denying it. ‘I’m sorry, Debs. Jim just left and I was lonely and scared and…’ I trailed off, aware how pathetic I sounded.

‘Please stop drinking. It’ll only make you feel worse.’

I didn’t reply. ‘Come on, Laura. You can’t sit there feeling sorry for yourself about having nobody to talk to when you don’t even call people back when they ring you over and over again.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean this weekend. I rang a few times but apart from the first time when Jim said you didn’t want to speak to me—’

‘He said what?’

‘He told me you were in the bath and that you had a nice evening planned and I probably shouldn’t ring again for a few days. I tried a few more times but it was engaged all weekend. I assumed you’d left it off the hook deliberately.’

‘Jim did.’

‘He did tell you I popped round, didn’t he?’

I felt a bubble of worry float up. ‘No, he didn’t. When?’

‘Yesterday morning before I went to work, when I assumed Jim had left. He said you didn’t want to see anyone.’

‘He stayed home an extra day. But he didn’t tell me you’d come round…’

‘So you were there?’

‘Of course I was, I never go anywhere!’

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