Page 57 of The World Outside My Window

‘I’m sorry we haven’t been over to see you about all this. We only found out about it a few nights ago when Carol came over.’ He smiles. ‘She likes to keep us all informed of what’s going on round here.’ He clears his throat. ‘She also told us about your – you know. Agoraphobia. I had no idea. Jim never mentioned it. He didn’t really talk about you at all, he always seemed to change the subject if I ever asked.’ He shrugs. ‘Sorry, that sounds terrible. I just mean he didn’t like to talk about you. I guess now I know why.’

‘It’s okay. It seems he didn’t tell most people about me. I’m beginning to wonder what on earth people must have thought was wrong with me.’

Simon doesn’t react. ‘So how did you get over here today? You know, if you can’t leave the house?’

‘Simon!’

‘What? It’s a perfectly reasonable question.’

‘It’s fine. I – well, since Jim left I’ve been trying to get out of the house to go and speak to people on the street who knew him. I suppose I hoped I might come across some clue as to what’s happened to him. I feel like Hansel and Gretel chasing breadcrumbs though, to be honest.’

Simon nods thoughtfully. ‘It’s a good idea.’ He rubs his chin. ‘I wish I could help, but ever since Carol came over I’ve been trying to work out if there was anything he might have said that might be helpful. But there’s nothing. I saw him for a poker game a while back, with Ben and a couple of friends from the pub, and he seemed normal. You know. Chatting, drinking beer, having a laugh.’

‘Come off it, you’re hardly going to notice if he was feeling a bit sad, are you?’ Sonja cuts across him. ‘You lot just go out and drink and smoke too much and never actually ask anyone anything of any importance.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘You’re suchmen.’

Simon holds his hands out. ‘She has a point. We didn’t really talk about stuff like that. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if Jim had cut his head off unless it affected our night out. Sorry.’

Laura isn’t desperately surprised. Sonja’s possible sighting, on the other hand, however slim the possibility that it was him, is nagging away at her. She turns to Sonja.

‘Would you mind telling the police about seeing Jim?’

Sonja’s face flushes. ‘Yes, of course. Although I wouldn’t want to give them any false leads. Or you any false hope.’

‘No, it’s fine. I’m grateful for any kind of hope at the moment. Until now there’s been literally nothing.’

Sonja nods, her eyes filled with sympathy. ‘Okay, yes, I’ll tell them.’ She heads towards the hallway. ‘In fact I’ll ring them now.’

‘Thank you.’

She leaves the room and Simon sinks into a chair. ‘God, I hope he turns up. He’s a great guy. I really like him a lot.’

‘Thank you. Me too.’

‘I’m happy to help you look for him, you know. I’m pretty cooped up here with the little one all day and – well, to be honest it would be good to have something to occupy my brain. It’s only been just over a year but I feel like it’s turned to mush. Sonja goes out to work every day and I’m stuck at home in a never-ending cycle of nappies, plastic toys and nursery rhymes.’ He sighs. ‘Sorry, I know it’s not about me. But just let me know if I can do anything.’

‘Thank you.’

Sonja comes back in. ‘I’ve told them. They said they will add it to the file.’ She shrugs. ‘Maybe I’ll walk past the same spot tomorrow and see if he’s there again.’

‘Would you?’ Laura feels excitement rising in her chest again.

‘Why not? It has to be worth a go, right?’

‘Thank you.’ Laura wishes with all her heart she could take the train with her, walk through Hyde Park and see all the children playing, people strolling, eating their lunch on benches. But it feels like another world.

A low wailing sound floats down the stairs. ‘That’ll be Amelie again. Well, that was short-lived.’ Sonja shakes both of their hands efficiently. ‘Lovely to meet you both.’ She turns to Simon. ‘I’ll see to her, you see these ladies out.

Dismissed, they walk to the front door and moments later they’re heading home. Somehow, moving back towards her house doesn’t feel as terrifying as going the other way. The street seems benign, unthreatening now. Maybe this is progress.

For the first time in a long time, Laura feels hopeful. It might only be a tiny glimmer of hope, but it’s something.|

20

THEN – MAY 1991

The branches of the straggly magnolia tree in the garden behind ours had exploded with blossom, which was already scattering like snowflakes across the scruffy patch of shared garden. It had been just over two months since I’d last set foot outside this flat, and the changing seasons told me everything I needed to know about how quickly time was marching on without me.

‘Can’t you even try and go to work?’ Debbie begged. ‘You love your job.’ She was right. Cooking had always been the thing I turned to whenever I felt low, not to mention how hard I’d worked to get where I was. How could I throw it all away because of one man in a dark alley?

---