Page 45 of The World Outside My Window

‘Oh, don’t be silly. I just feel bad I can’t help you any more.’ She sits forward. ‘The day I told you about, when Jim was feeling down. He didn’t say anything about leaving, or wanting to get out. I honestly didn’t feel like that was what he was getting at. It felt more that he just needed someone to talk to, someone who already knew his circumstances – your circumstances. But I will have a think, see if there’s anything else I can remember, and I’ll let you know as soon as I do.’

The front door slams and a few seconds later a face appears at the door.

‘Hi, Mum.’ A teenage girl looks round at the room, her face scrunched into a frown.

‘Hi, love. This is Laura, Jim’s wife. And Ben, from next door, obviously. Laura, this is my daughter, Abbie.’

‘Oh, right. Hi.’ Abbie gives a little wave and steps back awkwardly. ‘I’m just getting something to eat. See you later.’

She leaves, and Laura stands and brushes her jeans down over her thighs.

‘I’d better be going.’

Ben stands too.

‘Do you want me to walk you back?’

Laura looks at him gratefully. ‘Would you mind?’

‘Course not.’ His smile is warm.

‘Thank you so much, Jane. It’s been really great to meet you.’ Laura holds out her hand but Jane pulls her into a hug and holds her for a brief moment. ‘It’s brilliant to finally meet you too, Laura. Jim’s a good man. I hope we find him soon and get him home.’ She looks at Ben but he refuses to meet her eye.

Then they leave, making their slow, steady way across the crescent towards Laura and Jim’s house, Ben holding Laura’s elbow firmly. Jane watches them until they close Laura’s front door behind them, then she goes to find her daughter.

* * *

‘What do you think it means, that Jane thought Jim has been married before?’ Laura asks Debbie, the minute Ben has said goodbye and gone back to his own home. The thought has been playing on her mind since Jane told her about Jim helping her with her divorce, and now the question has exploded out of her like a firework, without warning.

On the other end of the phone Debbie clicks her tongue, and Laura waits. ‘I don’t know, Lau,’ she says slowly, in that way she has of considering her words before she speaks. ‘What doyouthink it means?’

Laura huffs. She loves Debbie but she can be infuriating sometimes, always trying to be diplomatic.

‘I don’t know, Debbie, that’s why I’m asking you!’ She stops, breathless for a moment. ‘You think this means something, don’t you?’

‘I didn’t say that.’ Debbie pauses again. ‘I just wonder – could there be something about Jim, about his past, that you don’t know? That he’s kept from you?’

‘I know you’ve never really liked Jim but surely you don’t really think he’s got some dark, sinister past?’

‘I didn’t say dark or sinister, and I never said I didn’t like Jim. I just wondered whether there could be something he hasn’t told you, for whatever reason. It doesn’t mean he has a terrible secret to hide, just that – I don’t know. He was trying to protect you or something.’

‘Protect me?’

‘You know, the way he always does. The big, strong protector who wraps you in cotton wool as though you’re made of glass.’

There’s a pause as she takes in her best friend’s words. ‘Is it – is that really what you think of me?’

‘No, Laura, it’s not what I think of you. I don’t think you need protecting, I never have, despite what your mum told you. I think you’re strong and incredible. I think thatJimhas always thought you needed it, and it’s something we’ve disagreed on before. You know this.’

Debbie is right. They have disagreed on it plenty of times, but over the last few months, when Laura really felt as though she did need protecting – from attackers, from the darkness, from the outside, from her own mind – Jim really stepped up and was what she needed, and any criticism of his overprotectiveness from Debbie either stopped or simply washed over her completely, so lost was she in her own terrified mind.

Now, Laura doesn’t know what to say. Is there a chance that Jim has been through a divorce he’s never told her about? But why would he have thought she couldn’t handle the truth? He was forty years old when they met, it’s not as though she expected him to be baggage-free. And yet he had been, relatively. There were no messy ex, no children, no awful family in the background. No nothing.

‘I just don’t see why he would do something like that,’ Laura says now, her voice quiet.

Debbie takes a deep breath. ‘I know, darling. And I love you for that. But the truth is, your husband has gone missing with no explanation whatsoever. So far there’s no sign of foul play, so it looks as though he’s gone by choice, and you know very little about his past.’

‘I know lots about his past.’

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