Page 44 of The World Outside My Window

So why is she feeling so shaken?

‘Well, anyway,’ Jane says, ‘I don’t suppose any of that has a thing to do with Jim’s disappearance, but after I told him all the gory details of my disastrous marriage I suppose he felt more like he could talk to me about his.’ She claps her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh God, not that I was saying your marriage was a disaster. He never said that, I just meant—’

‘It’s okay. Really. I know what you meant.’

Jane shakes her head, her face red. ‘I really am sorry. I’m not doing very well today, am I? I didn’t mean it how it sounded at all. It’s just that Jim felt he could talk to me, or maybe he felt heshouldtalk to me, tell me something about himself, because I’d told him so much about me.’ She drags her hand through her hair. ‘Anyway, I tried to help, but I don’t really know much about agoraphobia so I doubt I was much use. But he was great to me. Really great…’ She tails off.

Laura feels stunned. She knew she and Jim had grown apart a bit recently, but it seems as though Jim had an entire life separate from her, where he knew all these people, played an important part in their lives, helped them out with dodgy mortgage advisors, played poker games and gave free divorce advice. Who else does he know in this street? What other secrets has he found out about the people living here? And will any of it be any use to her in finding him?

‘I’m sorry, this must all be a huge shock to you,’ Jane says. She shakes her head. ‘I can’t believe I know so much about you, but we’ve only just met. You’re much younger than I’d expected. Well, he told me you were younger, but you look – much younger, I suppose. You know what I mean.’

‘I do. He’s fourteen years older than me, but he’s the one who has the energy for both of us. At least, I thought he did.’

Jane nods. ‘The thing is, Jim’s helped me loads, so if he’s gone missing and you need anything, then I’m all yours, sweetheart. I’ll do anything to help you find him. He’s been bloody good to me.’

‘Thank you. I just – I guess I don’t really know where to start.’

‘You’ve found nothing in his things, then?’

‘His things?’

Jane frowns. ‘You’ve looked through all his things, right? His clothes, his papers, his pant drawer? Never know what you might find in a pant drawer.’ She grins but then stops when she sees the look on Laura’s face.

‘No. I haven’t done any of that. It never really occurred to me.’

‘Blimey. First thing I did when I started thinking about leaving Robbie was search through all his stuff. I was positive he was having an affair. Turned out he probably wasn’t, he was just a knob.’

Laughter bursts out of Laura like a bullet, unexpectedly.

‘I suppose I’ve never really had a reason not to trust him before. But I do need to, you’re right.’

‘Good. So what else can we do to help?’

‘Well, I was kind of wondering if there was anything he said that might give us a clue about where he’s gone. I know it sounds unlikely, but you never know. Did he seem different to you, in the last few weeks?’

Jane shakes her head. ‘You know what, I wouldn’t have said so. But now you mention it there were a few things.’

Laura’s ears prick up and her heart patters harder against her chest. ‘Really? Like what?’

‘Well, he stopped coming over as often. I assumed it was because he had more work on, or because we’d nearly come to the end of the things he could help me with, so I didn’t give it much thought at the time – that’s probably why I hadn’t really twigged that I hadn’t seen him for a couple of weeks. But it was a change.’ She stops, thinks some more. ‘There was something else too. One day he was talking about you, telling me about how hard it was to see you like this, how he’d do anything to help you get better. He talked about you quite a lot, but this time he kept saying he felt like he’d failed you, that you’d be better off without him. It was strange, but I assumed he’d just had a tough day and was feeling exhausted. I told him he was doing a brilliant job, of course I did, but it didn’t make any difference. He just didn’t seem to believe in himself. I even offered to come over and meet you, see if I could help, but he said no. He told me you couldn’t have people in the house, that you were scared of your own shadow and it was killing him that he couldn’t make you better.’

Jane pauses and takes a breath. She hopes she hasn’t said too much, but it’s all coming back to her now, the look on his face as he sat at her kitchen table, as though the weight of the world had crushed him. He was a 2-D version of himself that day. It had passed by the time she saw him the following week, but remembering it now she feels bad for not pushing him, for not trying to find out more. Perhaps it was a cry for help. Perhaps she could have stopped him leaving.

She clears her throat. This isn’t about her, it’s about Jim, and Jim is a good man. And it’s also about his wife, Laura, who’s made it over to her house despite being terrified of going outside her front door. She needs to do whatever she can to help her find Jim.

Laura looks like a confused child, the tea gone cold in the cup in her hand, her head down. She seems utterly lost and she watches as Ben reaches over and places his hand on her knee. ‘Are you okay?’

Laura looks up. She seems surprised to realise where she is, and she nods. She looks down at the hand on her knee and moves away slightly. Ben’s face flushes. Jane watches all of this with interest, and realises one thing. Ben has a crush on Laura. She stifles a smile. If the circumstances weren’t so awful, she would be pleased. Ben has been through such a tough time since Helen died, and it’s the first time she’s seen him even so much as look at another woman. But this is neither the time nor the place.

She coughs loudly and they both look up.

‘Right, so I think the next thing to do is look through Jim’s things. What do you think?’

Laura nods.

‘Do you want me to help? I’m quite good at it. Had plenty of practice.’

Laura shakes her head. ‘No. No, I think I should do this bit on my own. But thank you, Jane. You’ve been very kind.’

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