Page 41 of The World Outside My Window

‘Oh, okay. No worries.’ He looks crestfallen.

‘Maybe you could come too? As you know her? It might help.’

She doesn’t know what makes her say it, but it’s out now and she can hardly take it back. Ben’s face lights up.

‘Yes, I could do that.’

‘Okay.’ Laura inhales deeply, aware she’s being stand-offish. ‘Sorry, would you like to come in? We’ll be going over there as soon as Debbie gets here.’

‘Thank you.’

Laura watches as he bends down to remove his shoes, and her face flushes as she remembers the manner in which she left his house a couple of days before, in her socks. As she leads him into the kitchen, her belly is in knots. Is it simply the presence of someone else in her sanctuary? Or is it because, for the first time in years, she’s actually considering letting someone new into her life?

‘Can I get you a drink?’

‘We could open this, if you like?’ Ben points at the wine in his hand. ‘If you don’t think it’s too early?’

‘A man after my own heart,’ she says, trying to hide her flushed face as she takes the bottle from him.

Why is Ben making her feel so jittery? She feels like a nervous schoolgirl trying to impress a boy. She pours the wine and they settle at the kitchen table.

‘So, how are you getting on with your investigations?’ Ben says, twirling his glass round on the tabletop.

Laura shakes her head. ‘There’s nothing new. The police just rang and they have nothing new either, which means the only clues I have are what you told me, which could be something or nothing, and the keyring that Carol mentioned.’ She sighs. ‘It could be that he has a secret past he hasn’t told me about but I just—’ She stops. ‘Truthfully it’s simply beginning to look as if…’ She trails off, not wanting to say it out loud.

‘He’s gone on purpose?’

She nods. ‘I wouldn’t have said it a few weeks ago. I never would have thought Jim could do something like this. I mean, you know what he’s like. Kind, reliable. But…’ She runs her hands through her hair. ‘Well, it appears he was more unhappy than I ever knew. It’s just a shame I didn’t notice.’

‘You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault you’re stuck in here.’

‘No. But it wasn’t his either and he did everything he could to help me. I just threw it all back in his face.’

Ben doesn’t know what else to say. Jim didn’t tell him any of this and, although his friend seemed quieter the last few times he saw him, there was nothing that made him concerned. Nothing he could specifically say had changed. He wishes he could tell Laura more but it seems he didn’t know what was going on in his friend’s life at all. He sighs.

‘You never know, Jane might be more help.’

Laura gives a small nod. ‘She might. But nobody has known anything so far. They didn’t even know I was ill.’

Ben looks sheepish. ‘I guess Jim was just trying to protect you.’

She shrugs. ‘I know. But it’s so frustrating.’

Silence presses in the space between them and Laura takes a gulp of her wine. She can feel it blurring the edges of her anxiety the moment it hits her mouth. She notices Ben hasn’t drunk any of his yet.

‘I…’ She tails off.

‘What?’ Ben says, his forehead creasing.

‘I – I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what happened with your wife?’

Ben feels his heart somersault and almost drops his glass onto the table. ‘Oh, I—’ He’s so unused to meeting people who don’t know about Helen, who don’t see him as the tragic widower, that he’s forgotten how to talk about it.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.’

‘No,’ Ben says. ‘It’s just – well, I haven’t talked about her for ages. Not since I told Jim a few months ago actually.’ He wipes his hand over his chin where a dark shadow has already started to form, then meets Laura’s gaze. ‘She died.’

‘Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry.’

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