Page 32 of The World Outside My Window

I stood still in the shadow of a shop window for a few minutes, my whole body trembling. I now knew without a doubt that I wasn’t being paranoid after all. Someone had been watching me, and following me, and if it wasn’t the same person who had made those crank phone calls over the last two weeks I’d be surprised.

But what I couldn’t work out was who it was, and why anyone would feel the need to spook me. I didn’t really see anyone, apart from Jim and Debbie and my colleagues at work, and I couldn’t imagine it being any of them. Had someone from the restaurant had a bad meal, a disgruntled customer trying to get their revenge? No, that was ridiculous. It must be more than that.

And yet, I was at a complete loss.

I’d lost my desire to go for a walk now and, even though my stalker – if I could call them that – was long gone, I felt nervy, on edge, and just wanted to be back at home in the safety of my flat. I checked my watch. Jim would be home in a few hours, and I didn’t have work tonight, so I’d go home and wait for him and make something to eat with whatever we had in the freezer. He wouldn’t mind.

It wasn’t until later, as I was preparing a piece of salmon I’d found, that it hit me again just how insular my life had become. The only people I ever confided in were Jim and Debbie, and the more time that passed since the episode this morning, the more I realised I was probably being paranoid, and didn’t want to tell them about it. But there was no one else. No one I could just pick up the phone to, maybe laugh it off, explain it away, without concerning them about the state of my mind. Jim would think I was being paranoid, and I worried Debbie would tell me the same. But I also knew she would tell me I needed to get out more, that my life was becoming so reduced that I saw big problems in minute things. In other words, she’d think I imagined it, because I was lonely, even though she wouldn’t say it in so many words. The trouble was, she was right. My lifehadbecome too small, and I’d never even seen it happening.

13

NOW – 3 OCTOBER 1992

Number four Willow Crescent

Ben Adams

Rain pummels the window so hard it sounds like nails smacking against the glass. Every now and then the sound stops and the room is peaceful again, until the wind changes direction and it starts all over again. Laura pulls open the curtains and the room hardly lightens at all. The sky is so leaden it feels as though it’s bearing down on the house, the street, the houses across the road. She presses her face closer to the glass and can just about make out the smudged outline of the trees, which a few days before were loaded with the reds, yellows and oranges of autumn, parading their colours in the breeze like models sashaying down a catwalk; now all that’s left are spindly bare branches shivering in the breeze, leaves dumped carelessly on the ground like clothes shed on a bathroom floor. Everything is smothered in a heavy blanket of grey.

Jim has been missing for two weeks and two days. To Laura, it feels like a lifetime of worrying – but at least she has a plan today, rather than the endless cycle of days drifting round the house trying to plug the gaps of time with pointless activities.

She hovers a moment longer, wondering what secrets are hiding just outside her bedroom window waiting for her to discover them like a twisted game of hide and seek. There has to be something, otherwise Jim might never come home. That isn’t something she even wants to contemplate. It is inconceivable.

She turns and dresses hurriedly. She can’t stop thinking about what Carol told her last week about the mystery photos on Jim’s keyring. She’s told Debbie about it, of course, and together they’ve tried to work out what it might mean.

‘I’m sure Carol must have been mistaken,’ Debbie reassured her. ‘At worst Jim probably just picked up someone else’s keys from the office.’

‘But why would she say it?’

‘Some people like to try and be useful,’ Debbie said carefully. ‘It happens all the time. People sometimes… misremember things. Things they’re absolutely certain took place, but when the evidence comes in, they never actually happened. It’s – our minds sometimes trick us into believing something we really want to be true.’

‘So you’re saying you think Mrs Loveday made it up?’

‘I’m not quite saying that. I’m just saying we need to treat what she said with caution and not jump to any conclusions.’

‘I guess you’re right.’

Laura pretended she was reassured by Debbie’s words, but the truth is she’s still rattled by Carol’s revelation. It keeps nagging away at the back of her mind, no matter how hard she tries to push it away.

Now, to make matters worse, Debbie has had to cancel coming round to help her pay a visit to the next neighbour on the list, Ben Adams, today.

‘I’m really sorry, Laura, but the kids have both got parties to go to and Steve’s been called into work,’ Debbie told her last night. ‘Can we make it another day?’

Laura had considered it for a minute. She hadn’t left the safety of her own front garden by herself yet. Getting out of the garden and onto the pavement and walking two doors down was asking a lot, even with Debbie there. But she didn’t want to wait either. Time was ticking and she needed to get on with her plan to find Jim and bring him home.

‘I’ll go on my own.’

A hesitation. ‘Laura. You can’t.’ She listened to the click of Debbie’s tongue against her teeth. ‘This is huge. You’re doing well but are you sure you’re up to this?’

‘Not in the slightest.’

‘Well then, wait. I’ll come tomorrow I’ll make sure I’m there.’

It was tempting, and she nearly accepted, the thought of staying inside and drinking her way through a bottle of wine instead much more appealing. But that would only waste time, and Jim needed her. She had to be strong.

‘I’m going to go.’

A rush of breath. ‘Okay, darling. Ring me if you need me, promise?’

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