Page 96 of Heal Me

I approach the pram and notice a very small face and bright blue eyes staring at me in fear.

"He's so cute," I say.

"Yes, he is the best." Danylo nods. "Are you cold?" he notices how I warm my red hands. "Let's go to a café nearby."

I agree, because if I don't drink some hot tea after a few minutes, I feel like I'm going to turn into an ice statue.

"How are you doing with Zlata?" I ask. "Is it difficult with the child?"

"I don’t know. After the birth of Timothey, we seemed to be even more distant from each other, although we were not close anyway. We have been sleeping in different rooms for four months. Now I feel lonely and miss the time when..."

He stops and doesn’t finish his words. But I know what he meant.

When he was with me.

I know because I feel the same way.

"I didn't want to admit that I was dating Zlata because that's what our parents wanted, because I thought that’s how my father would pay attention to me, I thought I loved her until I realised what love really is," he looked into my eyes and looked deep into my soul.

I’m silent. I don’t know what to say.

"You better tell me how you are?" He says quickly.

"The other day I saw Denys's brother," I tell, as if it was an ordinary meeting.

"And…how was it?"

"We had a good talk, we plan to meet again tomorrow."

And it's true. Almost immediately after the meeting, Louis offered to have dinner again. I couldn’t refuse, and not because he is Denys' brother, but because I wanted it myself.

I remembered the past. Back when I didn't have to suffer the pain. Back then, when Louis occupied an important place in my life. The two of us still haven't recovered from what happened, so why not save each other.

"Hm, good."

I don't know what exactly I notice in his voice.

Anger?

"Yes, we were once very close, and I would like to return this connection between us."

"Yeah," Danylo nods, "it would be good if you returned to your normal life."

We go inside the café. Timothey, surprisingly, is a very calm child. He sleeps all the time, even when Danylo feeds him from a bottle.

Danylo is approached by his son. I mean, he seems like the most caring father in the world. His eyes are shining, and the smile doesn’t disappear from his face. Now, when we are sitting opposite each other, I notice that he’s had a haircut. His hair is much shorter now, but it suits him just the same.

Timothey, who is now in his father's arms, looks like a doll compared to Danylo's body. I catch myself thinking that my heart doesn't hurt as much as before the meeting. Maybe I needed it. I needed to see and make sure that Danylo is not my superman, and he will not save me.

I myself must get out of this abyss that I fell into three years ago.

Breathing becomes easier, I straighten my shoulders and smile.

"Do you want to hold Timothey?" Danylo offers, and I hesitate for a moment, and then I get up and sit next to him.

I take little Timothey in my arms and hold my breath. It's the best feeling in the world. I have never experienced anything like this, and I really want to experience it again.

If someone were to look at us from the side now, they would think that we are a young couple who are leaning on each other, looking at our child with loving eyes. But the realities of this world are such that his wife is waiting for him at home, and I have a cold bed waiting for me.

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