Page 53 of Heal Me

"Give me your number," he says, and I hand over my phone.

He enters the number, and I look at his hands.

Since when did I become interested in guys' hands?

Probably since I saw Tim's hands...

"See you," he stands up and winks at me.

"See you," I nod and turn to face the curious looks that are directed at me.

"I don't know," I blurt out before the girls can say anything.

And then three…two…one

And a scream. Yara, Adele, and Lily all merged in unison and started screaming like crazy.

"It's Timur," Lily smiles.

"And he asked you out," Yara adds.

"Do you know each other?" I am surprised. I've never seen girls hang out with him.

"Not really, but he seems to be a close friend of Danylo's," Adele says and takes a drink of her juice.

Something inside of me shrinks.

What if he did it on purpose? To, I don't know, hurt me?

But no. It can't be. Why would Danylo stoop to the level of a thirdgrader?

I begin to leave the state of euphoria and return to reality.

I'm going on a date. To sleep with a guy. A guy I'll never see again.

And who do I look like now? Yes, I really lack sex in my life, or rather, I don't have any at all, but that's no reason to sleep with the first guy who comes along. Even if he's hotter than the lava flowing out of a volcano.

A year ago, I tried to do something similar. I was an emotional wreck and on the verge of depression. I wanted to have some fun and went to a club. I was alone. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, but a few shots and then kissing a stranger in the toilet was not the way out. The kisses went further and when his hand touched me there, I threw up. I mean, I really threw up. I threw up my entire lunch right on his shirt, and after that I try to avoid clubs.

On the one hand, I don't want to sleep with someone as much as I want to make sure that I'm still... normal. That I won't throw up on some guy when he tries to make me orgasm.

Almost three years have passed since Denys' death. During these three years, I was not with anyone. I haven't gone on a date, I haven't even kissed anyone. I know that I will always love only him, but I feel as if something inside me is broken.

Like I'm broken...

"Since when do you date?" Lily asks with a smile and moves closer.

Her blond hair is pulled back in a low ponytail today, and her green jacket emphasises her bright green eyes.

I can see why guys like her.

"This isn't a date, we're just going to hang out."

"And you're going to let him put his rod in your hole?"

"What?" I raise my eyebrows.

"You..."

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