Page 93 of Heal Me

He is wearing a black golf shirt that matches his blond hair and tanned skin. I wonder if he has vacationed somewhere in the Maldives lately? "Yes, really, very interesting," I smile. "You better tell me something about yourself, Louis," I suggest and lean on the back of a high chair.

Louis begins to talk about the fact that he has been travelling a lot lately and cannot decide where he would like to live, but after Kyiv he plans to stay in Lviv for a while. His parents want to spend some time with him.

He also said that our parents still communicate, and although I always knew they were close, my mother never told me that she was still in touch.

"Really?" I am surprised.

"Yes, my mom constantly tells me about you and says that she misses you terribly," Louis admits, and his words make my heart ache.

I'm only now realising how selfish I was. Compared to everyone. I am not the only one who lost Denys, not the only one who loved him, but the only one who pushed everyone away from me.

"By the way, I heard that they are planning to go somewhere together on holidays."

I’m looking at Sebastian.

"Did you know?" I ask.

"I knew that they were just talking about it, but the final decision has not been made."

"If everything works out, then wait for me too," Louis adds and I smile.

A family trip with Denys's family?

How badly will it kill me from the inside?

However, I forget everything in the world for the next two hours. In the midst of our conversations with Sebastian and Louis, an invisible bond forms that binds us together and heals us little by little.

We laugh all evening and remember stories from our childhood, we remember how we went on trips together, we remember how we swam in the pool and went to the mountains in the summer, we remember how Sebastian was attacked by Denys's dog, we remember how we had a party while their parents were travelling for work.

We remember all this and understand that yes - we lost Denys, but his death is not a reason to destroy our own lives. He saved us all in some way. He will forever remain in our hearts, forever be our ray of light, forever be my greatest love.

And I felt that evening that he was next to us, that he was sitting and holding my hands, sometimes admiring my appearance.

For the first time in three years, I felt calm.

Chapter 32

"How would you rate your emotional state from one to ten?" I moved closer to the back of the chair.

Minus a thousand.

"Five," I lie.

Again. I think my psychiatrist suspects I'm lying, but she's not saying anything yet.

"I see," she nods and again writes something in her notebook.

I love the way her office smells. Most likely, lavender.

This is only our second session, but so far I have not felt any changes.

"Do you resent yourself for something?"

"For everything."

I'm a wreck. I'm a tsunami. I'm a tornado.

"Partly," I raised my knees and hugged myself.

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