Page 9 of Heal Me

"Text me."

"I love you."

"Denys, you are my life."

Every day I wrote thousands of text messages to Denys starting from

"I love you, you are my universe, you are all that I have" and ending with

"go to hell, I hate you, how could you abandon a sick girl?"

I clutched the phone in my hands, if it wasn't so expensive I would have thrown it at the wall. But I think it will be cheaper to hit the wall with my head.

I said goodbye to all the staff, during those months they became my second family.

"Don't forget us," said my nurse, when she hugged me for the last time.

"Never," I smiled.

Mom started treating me like I was a brand new glass vase that could shatter at any second. Although to some extent I was like that. I didn't know how to deal with this situation, but I believed that I would find Denys and be able to talk to him.

"Shall we go to Denys? " I asked when we were already driving home.

Mom pretended not to hear me and continued driving.

And I hoped that it was all a joke and Denys was waiting for me at home with a surprise.

But he was not on the first floor, nor in my room, not even in the attic.

I lay down on the bed and started crying again, I lost count how many times today. But my heart didn't hurt, my soul hurt, my lungs hurt, everything but my heart hurt. It fought desperately for my life as I continued to curse whoever had given it to me.

"Honey," my mother sat down next to me.

I knew what she was going to tell me, but I absolutely refused to listen to her words.

"How did it happen?" with heavy and burning tears in my eyes, I gradually lost the ability to breathe.

"Accident," she whispered. "He was called at night and told some information about you, he was running to tell you, it was raining heavily and…" she took a deep breath. "He collided with another car, the injuries were fatal. He tried so hard, Ami, for you to live. He stayed awake at night, contacted friends from other countries, looked for the best doctors abroad. "

I gasped for air. I forgot how to breathe, how to speak, how to see and realise. All the pain I went through in a few months was nothing compared to what I felt then. Somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that Denys's heart was beating inside me, but I refused to believe it.

When I realised one more thing, I thought I would lose my mind or shoot myself at the same moment.

"Funeral. I wasn't even at the funeral," I shouted at the top of my lungs, my mother looked at me with frightened eyes, but her look would never reflect my inner pain. "You lied to me, hid the truth, and I wasn't even at the funeral".

"You needed rest."

"Rest? " I was ready to destroy everything in my path.

"We protected you."

They were protecting me from what? From my love? From the truth that was about to fall on me and trample my life once and for all.

"Leave me alone," I said quietly.

If I could put all the pain that was destroying me from the inside into two words, then I did. My mother didn't try to calm me anymore, and I didn't know what to do with this truth that destroyed me forever.

I stopped feeling the ends of my fingers, I stopped orienting myself in space, my head was spinning, I felt like I was on a never-ending roller coaster.

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