Page 114 of Heal Me

I think I stopped being aware of words. I stopped understanding their meaning. He what?

"Where?" I finally say. A lump has already formed in my throat, which painfully squeezes me.

"To the States."

The pause between us was too long. I know that I should be happy for him, I know that I should support him. I know, but I can't.

"Say something." He touches my hand.

"I don’t know what to say." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, Amelia."

"No," I smile, "you have nothing to regret, you are worthy of this, worthy of the states, worthy of a good future. I shouldn't have hoped that you would stay with me."

"Did you want me to stay?"

I look into his pained eyes and nod.

"If I had known earlier, then..."

"No," I object, "I wouldn't let you refuse it."

He presses his lips together and takes my hand in his. We cross our fingers, knowing that soon we won't be able to do this anymore.

"When did you decide?"

"Before the new year. I thought it would be easier for both of us. I didn't want to go until Zlata and her secrets. I just need to be alone. Think about everything and understand what I want."

I am silent. Maybe he's right. Maybe if we still hadn't talked, I would have continued to hold a grudge against him, but the grudge would have faded over time, like the feelings.

And now? How can I go on knowing that our feelings are mutual, but we will never be together.

"You have no reason to be sad, Amelia." He touches my chin. "We knew from the very beginning that this relationship was doomed to failure."

It hurts. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to talk.

"When are you leaving?"

"In a month, I will pass all the exams and go."

"So we have a month?" Danylo smiles.

"What do you mean?"

"We have a month to love each other, and then let go and live our own lives."

"Do you know that it will hurt later?"

"I never stopped feeling pain."

"If you really want it, then let's spend this month together, falling madly in love with each other. Although I am not sure that I will be able to fall in love with you even more."

"I believe you," I smile and sit down next to Danylo.

This is how our strongest love began, which from the very beginning was doomed to failure.

We only had a month. A month to love each other and prepare for the fact that one day it will all be gone.

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