Page 104 of Heal Me

"I will drink a few more glasses of whiskey, and then I will sleep with someone. No one needs me, Ami. Do you know what destroys me the most?You don't need me.The only person who matters to me. All this time, only you were in my head, and all this time you pushed me away."

Inside, everything starts to burn. If only he knew that I breathe only for him.

"Come on, you'll go home while I talk to you."

"No need, Ami, go have fun," Danylo says and hangs up.

I don't know how to digest it all. How to put the last five minutes of our conversation in my head. Zlata betrayed him.

But shall I say that I am surprised? No. Have you seen her? Whore is written on her face.

I know he can handle it. He is strong. But now he looks awful. If I could drop everything right now, I would fly to Kyiv. He needs me now, I have to be there with him, he doesn't have to live through this alone.

Me: Please, don't be silly. In a week I will come to Kyiv, we will solve everything together.

He doesn’t reply for twenty minutes, and I walk around the room with the phone in my hands, thinking that there is a problem with the connection.

I don't want to think that Danylo is now with someone else. But if this is true, then what do I feel?

I said myself that nothing can happen between us. I know it. And he knows it too.

The only problem is that I’m no longer sure that this is true.

Danylo: Danylo is busy now.

I reread the text several times, and then I throw the phone on the bed and go to Sebastian.

Week. I only have to hold out for a week, and then I can see Danylo. I can hug him. Talk to him.

"You're taking a long time," Louis notices with a smile, and I sit down on the bed next to me.

Sebastian notices my pale face. I shake my head, as if to say,not now, I'll explain everything later.

"Yes, I have monopoly, cards and..." Louis starts to list.

"Monopoly," I interrupt.

My body is now in the Dominican Republic, but my thoughts are entirely in Kyiv. I don't even want to imagine what Danylo feels now.

"Ami, it's your turn, don't sleep," says Sebastian and I roll the dice.

We play for about forty minutes, but it feels like I haven't played for ten seconds. I can't stay for a week here. I just can't stay.

Chapter 37

Iprobably sent Danylo the thirtieth text message in the last few hours, but he still hasn't responded. Just like yesterday and two days ago.

"Still not answering?" my brother approaches me.

I came to the beach to watch the sunset. A light breeze blows, and the sky is covered with orange shades. Waves sometimes approach the shore, then push back, sometimes taking away jellyfish that have been washed out.

I would like the waves to take me away. My pain. My thoughts. My mental restlessness.

"No," I shake my head.

I rest my head on Sebastian's shoulder. I would like to know what he really thinks. He went through so much and never gave up. Maybe inside he is just as broken, just as powerless, but on the outside he is always confident, always determined, always calm.

I wish to have at least a little bit of his character.

---