Page 101 of Heal Me

The only gift I can give Sebastian is to not spoil his mood during the vacation.

About an hour later, when we get home, I ask my mother in my room:

"How did you deal with it? With the loss of father?" She takes a deep breath and sits down next to me.

"I didn't, Amelia." Mom squeezes my hand, and tears are already falling from her eyes. "But I learned to live with it. Every day I miss him, every day I cry, but at the same time I learned to love, maybe now in different way, but to love. I’m happy that Svyat appeared to me, it’s my chance for a new life."

"And what about dad?"

"Your dad would never forgive me if he saw my teary eyes and how much I miss him. He would want me to live my life. Love. Rejoice." I nod and wipe away my tears.

"And Denys too, Ami. Believe me, he would want you to be happy."

"I cannot be happy without him."

"Someday you will be able to," says my mother, and my heart sinks,

"someday you will start living again."

And my heart aches at those words, because the truth is, I don't want this. I don't want to live with someone else, love someone else, be happy without him. We had to go through this together, and I don't have the right to do it alone.

Or do it with Danylo. Every encounter we have with him seems wrong. Our every touch equals the destruction of our lives. Every conversation we have makes us fall in love with each other even more. And that's wrong. Everything we do is wrong.

But I don't want to tell my mother about it, I don't want to drag her into an abyss from which I will never get out.

"Have you already decided whether you will return to work at the hospital?"

"I don't think I will have time for that."

"Do as you see fit, dear, and I will always support you." Mom kisses me on the forehead and leaves the walls of my room.

Of course, one of the reasons why I don't want to go back is studying, in the first semester I went to the internship after lessons or on weekends, but in the second year I think it will be much more difficult to do.

Well, the main reason why I am looking for all these excuses is Danylo. We don't need to see each other. We almost never cross paths at university, so it won't be a problem.

I take a book from the shelf, turn on the lamp and start reading. Sometimes it's good to escape from this world and immerse yourself in another.

Chapter 36

Ihaven't seen Denys' parents for three years. I don't know how to look them in their eyes. I don't know how to apologise for everything in the world.

The first thing I notice is Denys's mother.

Everything is tight in the chest. I’m petrified and just stand still. Tears appear in my eyes.

I miss him so much.

Denys's mother looks at me and also starts to cry. She comes closer, hugs me, and I start sobbing in her arms. I'm crying so hard I'm almost out of breath. She’s too. She lost her son. Her own universe. Her soul. Her everything.

"I miss him so much. He was my special boy. He was my ray of sunshine. He was my soul, a part of me." She says.

My heart is being torn apart.

"And you are my special girl. No matter how much my heart hurts, no matter how much I miss my angel, I'm glad that his heart is beating in your chest," she whispers. "I miss him so much, Amelia. I miss my son so much. My little boy."

"Me too, I miss him everyday." I say through tears.

Denys was the brightest person I knew. He was the kindest man on earth. He helped the homeless, was engaged in charity, he did everything for the sake of others. And because of that, I loved him. Because of his sincerity.

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