Page 10 of Heal Me

And then I felt something under my body. Something very thin and light. I ran my hand over the bed and saw that.

A letter. I quickly wiped my tears and started reading. It was the moment that I should have died again...

"One day, the sun stopped shining for me. It was exactly three minutes and fifty seconds while the doctors brought you back to consciousness. Your beautiful green eyes did not look at me, and your always warm hands were cold. At that moment, I realised that I never want this to happen again in my life.

To say that I loved you means to abandon all our beautiful days spent together. I belonged to you from the first day of my birth, my heart always beat for you, and my lungs breathed because I knew that tomorrow I would see you. No love song in the world has yet described my feelings for you, it’s something higher than simple love, it’s something created in heaven and instilled in our souls. No writer in the world has yet managed to find the words with which I would confess my feelings to you. I love you, and I don't know how to imagine my life without you. I am writing this letter without even knowing if you will ever read it. I would do anything so that you could live. You don't deserve this pain, we don't deserve it. If I could die and give you my heart, I certainly would. I promise I will do everything to help you."

My heart broke into thousands of pieces that were scattered all over the world, and even if I wanted to put them together, I would definitely cut my hand because of their sharpness.

My head was spinning l, my chest tightened, it seemed that if I could, I would throw out all my internal organs right on the bed.

I touched my heart…his heart, I felt it beating…

I took a chair and threw it at the window, it broke, but that didn’t stop me. I threw and broke everything in my path, I cried, I screamed, I tried to tear out my hair, I tried to tear out my soul, not to feel it, not to feel anything.

He gave mehis heart.

One hit on the wall.

His heart.

Second.

Blood poured down my hands, the pain was unbearable, but it didn’t overshadow the inner one, which was now tearing me to pieces.

"Ami," someone's arms wrapped around my waist. "Amelia," my mom's crying was unbearable.

I sunk into the ground and quietly looked at the wall. There were no more tears on my face, only eyes full of pain that no longer wanted to see the light. I touched my heart again. I didn’t want to live with it. I have rather killed myself, but I would never have lived with what didn’t belong to me.

Chapter 5

Our days

Iinhale as deeply as I can.

Well, hello.

He appears before me.

The love of my life, my heart, my soul, my only reason to live.

I miss you so terribly. Daily. Every minute.

I wish that now I wasn’t sitting alone in this dirty bus, but next to him. He hugs me and tells some joke, I laugh as loudly and sincerely as I always laughed with him. I run my hand through his blond hair and think about how he can be so perfect.

Tears flow one after another, and although I promised myself that I would not cry, but whenever I think about him, I have no strength to hold back. I quickly wipe my wet cheeks with my hand and approach the dormitory. I stop for a moment and look at it. What Denys would think about it? Would he like to live here next to me? My heart races for a moment and I realise that the answer is yes.

I don't know how it happens, but when I ask myself something and my heart seems to skip a beat, the answer is "yes" and that I'm on the right path. And if the heartbeat decreases, then the answer is "no". I must be going crazy, but I can't do anything about it.

And so does my watch. I set an audio alert every time my heartbeat exceeds one hundred and twenty beats per minute.

I go up to the third floor, open the room with the key, which I share with my neighbour and friend, I hope, still a friend - Lily. I will need to apologise for my words. Although, I think she is already used to such a crazy friend like me.

I met her, Yara and Adele that year when I first moved into this room. They noticed my bruises under my eyes and on my hands and didn’t ask what was wrong with me, instead they invited me to go shopping and entertained me all day. I don't know why they chose me, but I’m grateful to them for that. Although most often, I show completely opposite emotions.

I walk over to my perfectly made bed. Another thing that haunts me with a heart transplant. Denys was simply obsessed with cleanliness, I was the opposite. But now, if the bed isn’t made, the clothes aren’t folded, and the dust isn’t wiped, then I shake like a drug addict who hasn’t taken his pills. I would rather leave my tendency to communicate normally with people. Denys was always a favourite of society, and I was an illmannered girl whom he dragged everywhere with him.

I look at the clock, it's only twelve o'clock in the afternoon. I reach for my headphones, turn on the music and go to sleep. In my dreams, I am always next to him. I feel safe in my dreams, so most of the time I hope never to wake up.

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