Page 1 of Heal Me

Chapter 1

Adestroyed soul has no right to exist. A soul without a soulmate - just four letters. Me without him just a broken piece that somehow manage to move and speak.

I never thought I would hide from the darkness on a sunny day. But the truth was that you cannot hide from the darkness. The truth was that I couldn't escape the darkness because it was a part of me, part of my soul, part of my heart, part of my thoughts. I pretended that I didn't belong to it anymore, but in reality, it was taking over me more and more.

Losing someone once is painful. The second time you lose someone is despair, apathy, hopelessness. The third time you lose someone is fatal.

That's exactly what I felt when he left me. I felt that death was standing behind me and breathing down my neck, just waiting for me to make a move. For me to make my choice.

To say that I lost a part of myself is an understatement. Because he was not a part of my soul, he was my soul.

The whole universe is useless without him. Neither the stars, nor the sun, nor the moon can replace him.

Once death tried to take me away, but instead it did something worse. It made me fall in love. To fall in love with someone who tore my heart out with his own hands.

Chapter 2

Ileave the psychologist's office and exhale. This was my last therapy session. The last time someone tried to change what you can't change.

Although yes, my panic attacks are gone and depression has become a part of my life, so I'm used to it. The world no longer seems to be one big black hole that sucks me in every day. The psychologist did everything to make me feel at ease again, but she won't take my memories away. She will not make me forget him…

2009

I well remember the smell of chocolate cookies, which my mother always baked on New Year's, the scent meandered from the first floor to the second, where my small but cosy pink room was located.

I remember how I ran with all my might to finally see the gifts. I was nine years old, and although I knew that there was no Santa Claus, I still believed in miracles.

"My own cosmetics." I shouted. Although, of course, it was for kids, I couldn't help but be happy about it.

"Headphones like I wanted." said my brother Sebastian. He was five years older than me, but there was always a special connection between us, as if we were twins.

Mom came to us and gave a big hug, then Dad took his new camera, and we took a family photo.

We looked like the happiest family in the world.

And so it was, until a year later, my father was diagnosed with a heart problem.

"Coronary heart disease," said the doctor.

My mother and I froze in place. I couldn't feel the ground under my feet, tears were pouring from my eyes. And although I did not fully understand what kind of disease it was, I felt that something was wrong.

Then for the first time I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Sebastian took my hand, I didn't hear the words he whispered in my ear, but I knew it was something good.

"Don't leave me, dad". I broke out of my brother's arms, ran to my father and grabbed his hand. His palm was several times larger than mine.

He has always been the strongest for me, and now he should be the same.

The nurse took my brother and me out of the doctor's office, but I tried to overhear everything.

"How long does he have left?" asked my mother.

"I'm sorry."

My world was divided into before and after. I wanted to tear out my heart and give it to my father, just so he could live. When I was six, we were playing with friends on the playground, at some point I realised that I was lying on the ground and could not breathe, and three children fell right on top of me. Even on the day when I almost died of pain, I was ready to experience a thousand times more, because what I feel now is much more painful.

"This is a hereditary disease," the doctor continued. I don't know how I didn't lose consciousness then and continued to stand behind the door.

"I recommend your children to be checked."

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