Page 57 of Dark Room Junkie

“For God’s sake, Alex!” I exclaimed and threw my hands in the air.

“Why are you getting upset?” He didn’t even try to deny it anymore and rubbed his nose. “I just had a little left, and I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

“I don’t want to hear that,” I said, walking past him toward the coat rack.

“I’m not a junkie!” he shouted, coming after me.

Before I reached the door, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me back against the wall. “Please, Noé. You have to believe me. I don’t have a problem with it. But it will destroy me if you just bail on me now.”

“What difference does it make?” I asked, shoving him with all my strength, causing him to hit the other wall. “You’re totally high!”

“And you’re a mystery to me,” he retorted, completely out of context for my understanding, but he wasn’t finished. “But that’s okay. I love mysteries. I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you.”

The words came so easily from his lips that I could only stare at him.That’s the drug!“Damn it, man! Get yourself together before you spout that crap.”

“It’s not crap. It’s the truth. And it doesn’t surprise me that it doesn’t faze you. But it tears me apart!”

“Then I feel sorry for you.”

“What?”

“It was a mistake to come here.”

“Because I said I love you?”

My body stiffened, and I stood there frozen. This wasn’t good. There was something wrong with me. It wasn’t like I was unfamiliar with the situation. How many women had confessed their love to me? Every time, I put on my most charming smile and told them I wasn’t interested in anything serious. It wasn’t a big deal. Sure, sometimes there were tears, and I pretended to be sympathetic, while secretly mourning the warm bed that was now crossed off my list.

Why did it feel so different with him? Why couldn’t I just slip into my role and play the old game? Instead, my body was immobile. Only when Alex approached, stopping inches from my face, and I felt his warmth without touching him, did my muscles react again. And yet, I was completely at his mercy.

Be strong! The guy is on drugs! You know all too well what that means!

Alex cupped my head in his hands. “Please, give us a chance,” he whispered and kissed me.

I was breathless, gripping my backpack tightly.Be strong, damn it!I managed to shake my head and took a step back. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

Then a noise sounded as if someone outside was inserting a key. Shortly after, the door opened, and a woman entered. She was maybe around fifty, with blonde curly hair chin-length.

“Oh ... Hello, Alex!” she said, startled, immediately holding up the key as an explanation. “Didn’t expect you to be home, otherwise I would have rung first.”

“Hello, Corinne,” Alex said, rubbing his face. “It’s okay. We ...”

I tried not to show that I was trembling all over. Who the hell was this? Wasn’t the cleaning lady named Luzia?

“You have a visitor, so I won’t intrude long.” She smiled at me delightedly and showed no sign of wanting to leave right away.

Alex sighed. “Corinne, this is Noé. Noé, my mother.”

As Corinne took a step toward us, extending her hand, I felt overwhelmed. Panicking, I pushed past Alex to the coat rack, grabbed my jacket, and rushed out the door.

17

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Alex

I love you. My goodness! What got into me?

The words just came out of my mouth like my breath. And they felt so honest; far too light for a lie.

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